"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, HEY! Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo. You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo."

"Hey, you there, get those children in here!! Get them in before the soldiers get here!! We must get those children out of sight, if the soldiers come they will take them away, uh um, no one's allowed to have children in Vulgaria!! The Baroness, she hates children!!"

"[to Truly Scrumptious] Maybe my children like running wild in the street. Had that occured to you?"

"You'll find a slight squeeze on the hooter an excellent safety precaution, Miss Scrumptious."

"[singing] P-O-S-H - Posh!"

"Nasty smelly things, motorcars!"

"[reading a book out loud] And the big brown bear came lolloping over the mountain. "No, no!" the princess cried…"

"Fool! Idiot! Out of my way!"

"Let me tell you, Toymaker. This nose of mine has never failed me. And if there are children here, my friend... you will die. [laughs maniacally]"

"[threatening the Toymaker] The Baroness will have your teeth for a necklace, and your eyeballs for earrings."

"[to the Toymaker] I don't trust a man who makes toys in a land where children are forbidden."

"They're all free today, cherry pie, cream puffs, ice cream, treacle tart."

"Here we are children, come and get your lollipops, lollipops, come along my little ones."

"Come along, kiddie-winkies!"

"There are children here somewhere. I can smell them."

"Here's some good advice, take your children and your good lady out of Vulgaria. Look, I'm only a toymaker, and if I don't finish this in time for the Baron's birthday tomorrow I shall be a dead toymaker!!"

"(talking about the death of Ned Devine, a retired fisherman who died from the shock of winning the lottery) He survived all those storms to be washed away by a few plastic lottery balls."

"I'm not a great man for telling things the way they are. I mean, I've been known to add a little color to stories and riddles for the benefit of those who will listen. Yet here tonight I can swear that all I've told you is true. The money will be claimed and divided equally between the fifty two of us. Now it was wrong, to think I could claim the money meself. That's not what Ned wants. He wants us to share the winnings. A nest egg for us all. So now if the lotto man comes to the village, you say that Ned Devine is alive and well, and you point your finger to Michael O'Sullivan."

"If I'd have known how much was won, I'd never have started in the first place. Oh Lord, this is getting awful serious."

"And don't take it personally, Finn, but I bought you some expensive, fruity soaps. Take them home, try them out."

"As we look back on the life of... (Lottery man enters funeral parlor)... Michael O'Sullivan was my great friend, but I don't ever remember telling him that. The words that are spoken at a funeral are spoken too late for the man who is dead. What a wonderful thing it would be to visit your own funeral. To sit at the front and hear what was said. Maybe to say a few things yourself. Michael and I grew old together. But at times, when we laughed, we grew younger. If he was here now, if he could hear what I say, I'd congratulate him on being a great man, and thank him for being a friend."

"finding Ned Divine's body, dead, holding the winning lottery ticket. Dear God. You'll be cursing in heaven tonight, Ned Devine."

"He's sex obsessed. The older generation is leading this country to galloping ruin."

"Richard Vernon - Gentleman on Train"

"Anna Quayle - Millie"

"Victor Spinetti - TV Director"

"John Junkin - Shake"

"Norman Rossington - Himself"

"Wilfred Brambell - Grandfather"

"Ringo Starr - Himself"

"George Harrison - Himself"

"Paul McCartney - Himself"