Absurdism

"(discovers that he has killed Batman) "I can't believe it. He's... he's actually gone. Let's take a moment to reflect on the passing of a man who was more than just another do-gooder in tights. He was the best arch-nemesis a sociopath could ask for. [pauses a bit, then...] Okay, let's do it again!" [brings Batman back to life]"

"The real joke is your stubborn, bone deep conviction that somehow, somewhere, all of this makes sense! That's what cracks me up each time!"

"Oh, Batman, if you had the guts for that kind of fun you would've done it years ago. I, on the other hand..."

"Batman: The real Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him."

"If I weren't insane: I couldn't be so brilliant!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand behind you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One bright morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot one another. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too."

"(to Batman) "Quick question. When the clock strikes twelve, do I get a little kiss?""

"You dirty rat! You killed my brother! My sister! My daughter! She's my sister and my daughter!"

"Lady, you're harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids"

"(to Superman) "More powerful than a locomotive, and just about as subtle.""

"It's true, Batsy! I know everything! And kinda like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents, I must admit, it's sadly anti-climactic. Behind all the sturm and batarang, you're just a little boy in a playsuit, crying for mommy and daddy. It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic...... Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAAAA!"

"If I weren't crazy, I'd be insane!"

"They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line up the bodies head to toe on the ground in delightful geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dancers routine — and it would never be enough. No, I don’t keep count. But you do. And I love you for it."

"(Firefly) - "You still haven't told us how you're going to take over the underworld." (Jerome Valeska: "Proto-Joker") - "Who says I wanna do that? I'm an artist. I just wanna paint the town crazy. Once that happens, I could care less how you horribles rip this city apart.""

"The police just backed me up in a gunfight....Gotham has finally gone insane!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Don't go into the light, bats! It's no fair! They won't let me in!"

"Rockabye Batsy, I'm getting free! Soon you'll be the one trapped inside me! So do take deep breaths, great lungfuls of fear! Soon Bats will be gone, and I will be here!"

"Yay! We're all going to Hell!"

"There's two things Lex forgot to tell you about me: I don't CARE what happens to the world, and I DON'T play nice with others!"

"....I need you..."

"Who's gonna save Gotham now? Robin?! [laughs]"

"I am the Comeback King! The Clown Prince of Chaos! The Jester of Genocide!...You can't stop me."

"That guy doesn't know you very well, now does he? What kind of super villain thinks that a handful of bullets to the stomach and a bunch of tanks will stop the Batman?"

"You should take better care of yourself, Batsy. There's two of us in there!"

"Oh Bats, how I've missed you! All the subtlety and nuance of a napalm enema."

"Oh, Bats! How very ME of you. Though I can see why you didn't tell him, after Jimbo's hysterical overreaction. Still, if you cared about Barbara the way that little sidekick of yours does, maybe she wouldn't have been kidnapped in the first place. They're star-crossed, Bats! Like me and you. Shame they're being torn apart thanks to your crusade. So let's recap. Barbara's dead. And let's face it, probably dead. You're lying to lover boy wonder about it, and dear old Jim's marched off on his lonesome to save the day. Not your best day at the office, Bats. Something on your mind? Come on, let Robin out of his cage. You can't force him to slave over your cure. Plus, if he gets himself killed out there, you won't have to tell him about Barbara. It's win-win! You think he's really gonna fix your nasty case of Joker-itis? Not a chance. I'm chronic, Brucie. I'm lingering."

"Get Ready for the Encore" [Manic Laughter]."

"He's no better than the creep who killed your parents."

"(goes around the screen trying to find his way "in the dark") "What the...? Why has everything gone dark? Are we dying? We better not be dying, Bruce!""

"Isn't it funny how one little encounter can cleave off little pieces of your past, deform your memories and persona until you rethink your whole identity — and as you realise how foolish it all is — your laughter reverberates off the walls of your own emptiness?"

"Bats? Bats?? BAAATS!?!"

"Off to see mom and pop in that great big county club in the sky!"

"Can you remember when it was simple? Back in the old days, when it was just you, me, a regular war against crime? Well take a look, Bats. Things change. Now it's just war, with you standing right bang in the center. Of course, with any war, there are casualties. It's inevitable, unavoidable. Like death. Well, maybe not death, I seem to have sidestepped that one. Still, not all of us are so lucky."

"[laugh] Stopped his hearth... [laugh] That IS funny... [laugh] Good one, Bats! [laugh] Oh, this is going to be FUN!"

"Come on, baby! Beat me 'til your knuckles bleed... And why quit there? You know there's only one way to stop me."

"All aboard the Bane train!"

"You of all people should know, there's nothing so cruel as memory.... the pointy biting little thunderbolts, unwanted party crashers, SCREAMERS through your synapses.. inescapable, unrelenting.... not at all friendly. You can't even escape into MADNESS!"

"I've really got to hand it to Scarecrow. I've never been a fan of his concoctions up to now, but this batch, it's intoxicating. It really brings out the me in you."

"[sings] "Where, oh where has my little Bat gone? Oh where, oh where can he be? His cowl, his scowl, his temper so foul. I do hope he's coming for me." [evil laugh]"

"[sings] "Jingle bells, Batman smells, Gotham's quite a mess! Blackgate's mine and you're out of time, which means you'll soon be dead!" [laughs]"

"So, what our friend Bane holds in his hand is - a heart monitor. Once he clamps it on, every beat of his vacant little heart will charge the battery - on this electric chair. And when it's fully charged - [mimicks being electrocuted, laughs]"

"Mmm! This fruitcake is fantastic! (pause, stabs the knife on the table) Anyone want a piece?"

"If you actually let me finish a sentence, you might learn something! You might learn we're not so different. You might even learn something about yourself."

"You see, it's a tradition in my house to open one present on Christmas Eve... let's see... how about... this one? [blows up an empty building under construction, then laughs evilly and sings a bit of "The 12 Days of Christmas"] And a partridge in a pear treeee!"

"[sees that Gordon has taken the bullet for Warden Joseph] "Well, that's the Christmas spirit!""

"Ding dong! The bat is dead! Which old bat? The dumb old bat! Ding dong, the dumb old bat is dead!"

"Aww, gotta say, I thought you'd have more fight in you! A LOT more fight!"

"I present to you: the death of the Batman!"

"You just can't get it through your thick skull...WE BOTH EXIST BECAUSE OF THEM!!"

"Looks like I'm gonna need to find a new playmate. Oh, and we were having so much fun, too!"