"Esme Cullen: I'd like to thank Renée and Charlie for bringing such a wonderful person into the world and into our lives. We will cherish and protect her forever."

"Jessica Stanley: Well, Bella was just like everybody else, totally mesmerized by Edward. Or "The Hair", as I call him. And then, suddenly, Edward is all about Bella. Even though she's not the captain of the volleyball team... I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. Or the president of the student council..."

"Emmett Cullen [at reception] Excuse me. Is this on? Em... Hello? Umm, I'd like to propose a toast. To my new sister. Bella, I hope you've gotten enough sleep these last eighteen years. Cause you won't be getting any more for a while. [chuckles, makes Bella and Edward feel uncomfortable, and causes Charlie a slight moment of contained panic]"

"[to Edward; about Bella's pregnancy] You did this!"

"[To Sam] Stop! It's over! If you kill her, you kill me!"

"BECAUSE YOU'VE GIVEN ME NO CHOICE! Bella, we're supposed to be partners, remember? But you decided this on your own. You've decided to leave me."

"Olga Fonda - Valentina"

"[To Bella] Last night was the best night of my existence."

"It's an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to. And who will accept you for what you are. I've been waiting, what seems like a very long time, to get beyond what I am. And with Bella, I feel like I can finally begin. So I'd like to propose a toast to my beautiful bride. No measure of time with you will be long enough. But let's start with forever."

"[To Edward] Why can't you see how perfectly happy I am? Or was 5 seconds ago. I mean, now I'm sort of pissed off, actually."

"[Voice-over] Childhood is not from birth to a certain age. And at a certain age the child is grown and puts away childish things. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies."

"Mía Maestro - Carmen"

"Christian Camargo - Eleazar"

"Mackenzie Foy - Renesmee Cullen"

"Chaske Spencer - Sam Uley"

"Toby Jones - Julie"

"Natalie Portman - Isabel"

"Rasmus Hardiker - Courtney"

"James Franco - Fabious"

"Danny McBrde - Thadeous"

"Best. Quest. Ever."

"Will you shut up! I will love you less!"

"This spring, prepare for their excellency."

"Tim Heidecker - Doug Price"

"Michael Hitchcock - Don"

"Melanie Hutsell - Carol"

"Jessica St. Clair - Whitney"

"Andy Buckley - Perry Harris"

"Matt Lucas - Gil"

"Rebel Wilson - Brynn"

"Jon Hamm - Ted (uncredited)"

"Jill Clayburgh - Annie's mother"

"Chris O'Dowd - Officer Rhodes"

"Ellie Kemper - Becca"

"Wendi McLendon-Covey - Rita"

"Melissa McCarthy - Megan Price"

"Rose Byrne - Helen Harris III"

"Maya Rudolph - Lillian Donovan"

"I have heard that your Prince Fabious has made his bed recklessly with many maidens. And I heard that he has fungi on his genitalia as a result. Also, he organises orgies with wenches and barbarians alike and he takes sperm on him and gives it to women freely, spilling his seed will nilly as he makes his way through the orgy."

"Kristen Wiig - Annie Walker"

"[to Annie, after sex] This is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick."

"Do you want to tell a cop about it? We're just like priests except we would tell everybody afterwards."