"[last line; says grace after getting the first bite] Father, we thank you for the gathering of friends. Father, we give thanks for all the choices we made, because that's what makes us who we are. Let us forever cherish the loved ones we've lost along the way. Thank you for the little angel, the newest addition to our family. Thank you for bringin' Letty home. And most of all, thank you for fast cars."

"[to Riley] Badass and brains. Woman, you keep that up, I'm gonna be out of a job."

"[after seeing Letty's photograph] You know I do this shit all the time as a cop is exactly what cops do, he's messing with your head. Letty's dead, Dom."

"[after Hobbs delivers the amnesty papers] Not bad for a cop man."

"So I went in. Yeah, I went in deep, balls to the wall, but I unloaded into both of those assholes. And it felt good."

"Yeah. I don’t think you understand. Those boys were packing heat. I mean, as soon as I came, those assholes opened up. Yeah, opened up and started spraying everywhere."

"I told you before, I am not gonna wait around for a bunch of other dicks. Not when I have an opening to take those guys from the rear."

"Go ahead. Make me gay."

"Jeremy Ray Taylor - Boy"

"Linc Hand - Fritz Ostermueller"

"Peter Mackenzie - Happy Chandler"

"Max Gail - Burt Shotton"

"Jesse Kuken - Eddie Stanky"

"Brad Beyer - Kirby Higbe"

"Hamish Linklater - Ralph Branca"

"T. R. Knight - Harold Parrott"

"Ryan Merriman - Dixie Walker"

"Brett Cullen - Clay Hopper"

"C. J. Nitkowski - Dutch Leonard"

"Nicole Behaire - Rachel Isum Robinson"

"Alan Tudyk - Ben Chapman"

"Lucas Black - Pee Wee Reese"

"John C. McGinley - Red Barber"

"Christopher Meloni - Leo Durocher"

"Andre Holland - Wendell Smith"

"Harrison Ford - Branch Rickey"

"In a game divided by color, he made us see greatness."

"Chadwick Boseman - Jackie Robinson"

"Jessie Usher as Jamal"

"Ari Shaffir as The Amazing Racist"

"Vince Offer as Peeping Tom"

"Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn"

"Adrien Brody as Flirty Harry"

"Michelle Rodriguez as Harriet"

"Rob Schneider as J. D./Psychologist"

"Maybe [Paul] Haggis is right. He understands better than anyone how, no matter how dissimilar we might seem, whether we’re Oscar winners or disgraced infomercial pitchmen, we’re all connected, be it through our disillusionment with Scientology, a working relationship with Adrien Brody, or a desire to comment on racism in horribly overwrought movies."

"Funny excuses just about anything. Unfunny excuses nothing."

"inAPPropriate Comedy seems to be joylessly working its way through an outsized checklist of racist stereotypes. Jews are stingy Christ-killers. Asians are terrible drivers who are good at math and have small penises. Black people are violent and poor, hyper-sexual, and wildly irresponsible. Gay men are obsessed with sex and screamingly effeminate. Recycling those tropes isn’t edgy and transgressive, it’s lazy. And boring. Worst of all, it’s not funny. No, unfunny doesn’t cut it. inAPPropriate Comedy isn’t just unfunny. It’s fucking painful."

"“Flirty Harry” is stupid, but it’s fundamentally harmless. The same cannot be said of “Blackass,” which, as its title suggests, is like Jackass, only racist. So instead of Johnny Knoxville and his gleefully homoerotic gang of testicle-abuse enthusiasts, we’re treated to a dispiriting assortment of stereotypes of black men as welfare-collecting, violent, hyper-sexual, irresponsible thugs."

"[T]he Porno Review is explicitly posited as a “podcast,” apparently because Offer heard those were a thing nowadays—like apps and Lindsay Lohan—never mind that one of the defining qualities of podcasts is that they are an audio medium."

"I imagine Brody frantically trying to reassure his agent, “Now, I know my stock has fallen a little since the Oscar, but I’ve got really good working relationships with both Wes Anderson and the Sham-Wow guy who beat up the hooker.”"

"Brody could be forgiven for phoning in his performance as Flirty Harry, yet he completely commits to the role. There’s a palpable, tragic joy to his performance; you can almost see the wheels in his head turning as he thinks up ways to make his lines filthier. The performance, while brief, permanently changed the way I see Brody. When I first saw him in Steven Soderbergh’s King Of The Hill, I thought, “Who is that guy, and why isn’t he a huge star?” Watching Brody in inAPPropriate Comedy, I thought, “What the hell is wrong with this guy, that he would want to be involved in a project like this? What strange, damaged part of his brain was attracted to the role of Flirty Harry?”"

"inAPPropriate Comedy has a reputation for being a less-classy, less-prestigious version of Movie 43. Movie 43, in turn, has a reputation for being the worst of the worst. So the notion of a movie widely considered much worse than a movie generally considered unwatchable emits a distinct train-wreck fascination. With movies like inAPPropriate Comedy, the question isn’t, “Is it good?” It’s, “How bad can it possibly be?”"

"inAPPropriate Comedy takes its awful title from its equally idiotic framing device, which finds Offer and his creepy, wolfish grin punching buttons on a computer, each of which activates a separate sketch, each more jaw-droppingly awful than the last."

"This painfully unfunny assemblage of would-be comedy sketches manages to make Movie 43 look good in retrospect."

"Just when the recent misbegotten sketch comedy film Movie 43 had blessedly receded from memory, along comes InAPPropriate Comedy, another piece of cinematic sludge. While its predecessor at least provided the dubious pleasure of watching many of Hollywood’s biggest stars utterly humiliate themselves, this low-rent production features but one Oscar winner, Adrien Brody, here thoroughly slumming it along with Rob Schneider, Michelle Rodriguez and Lindsay Lohan."

"I think my dick just gasped."

"This is starting to resemble gay porn."

"Easy now, I know you’re ready to blow. Let me just… push your stool in reeeal slow…"

"Adam Sandler as Leonard "Lenny" Feder"