"American sword cuts on a push stroke, Japanese sword cuts on a pull stroke. When an American cracks up, he opens up the window and shoots up a bunch of strangers. When a Japanese cracks up, he closes the window and kills himself. Everything is in reverse."

"[as he keeps shooting a man he has already killed] Why? Because it feels so goddamn good!"

"Listen. The church cuts off the feet, fingers, any other goddamn thing from the saints, don't they? Well, what the hell? Alfredo's our saint. He's the saint of our money, and I'm gonna borrow a piece of him."

"I've been no place I wanna go back to, that's for damn sure."

"I can smell shit 100 miles away... sometimes closer."

"You ought to be drunk in Fresno, California. This place is a palace."

"There ain't nothing sacred about a hole in the ground or the man that's in it. Or you. Or me."

"I've killed people... and worse, a whole lot worse."

"Don't you look at me with your Goddamn fucking eyes!"

"I've been down this road before, and you don't know the way."

"A double bourbon with a champagne back, none of your tijano bullshit, and fuck off."

"I will pay one million dollars. Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia!"

"Donna Mills - Tobie Williams"

"You play a good game boy, but the game is finished. Now you die!"

"Reggie Bannister — Reggie"

"Angus Scrimm — The Tall Man"

"A. Michael Baldwin — Mike Pearson"

"Bill Thornbury — Jody Pearson"

"Beware the ball, beware the tall man, beware the never dead."

"Where the dead are no longer that way..."

"Now, remember: you don't aim a gun at a man unless you intend to shoot him. And, you don't shoot a man unless you intend to kill him. No warning shots. Hey, you listening to me? No warning shots. Warning shots are bullshit. You shoot to kill, or you don't shoot at all."

"I just don't get off on funerals, man, they give me the creeps."

"If this one doesn't scare you, you're already dead!"

"I had a compunction to try to do something in the horror genre and I started thinking about how our culture handles death; it’s different than in other societies. We have this central figure of a mortician. He dresses in dark clothing, he lurks behind doors, they do procedures on the bodies we don’t know about. The whole embalming thing, if you ever do any research on it, is pretty freaky. It all culminates in this grand funerary service production. It’s strange stuff. It just seemed like it would be a great area in which to make a film."

"BOYYYYY!!!"

"There's this door down here. And I bet there's something behind it."

"Hi guys. Heh heh, just thought I'd come over and see what was going on before the kids got out of summer school. Hey Mike, you want to ride along with me today? It's pretty warm outside and the ice cream's going to be flying fast and furious. Remember how good you were at crowd control last time? Hey, what's going on here?"

"John Schuck — Frankenstein's Monster"

"Igor, you did it again! How many times do I have to tell you? Keep my tomb door open at night and closed in the day. Open at night and closed in the day!"

"It's one of those days I wish I was dead. And stayed dead."

"From Bulgaria. The incredible man who Doctor Frankenstein created in his spare time... from a lot of spare parts. The Frankenstein creature."

"Jack Riley — The Werewolf"

"Henry Gibson — Igor"

"I believe I hear the Master coming now! [he looks out the window] Yes! I can see him clearly through the fog! [Dracula crashes and slams into the window]"

"No More Tricks? No More Treats? No More Halloween?"

"Judd Hirsch — Count Dracula"

"Mariette Hartley — The Witch"

"It's a real monster mash when they clash!"

"The Kings of Horror Battle to the Death!"

"Yesterday they were cold and dead. Today they're hot and bothered!"

"Lon Chaney Jr. — Groton Michael Renning"

"[about some hippies on the beach] It seems that living near the water brings out the best and worst in us."

"If you've got a fireplace, burn some wood in it. It'll be a lot better than running loose on the streets."

"J. Carrol Naish — Dr. Frankenstein"

"Grazbo: You see! You must open your eyes to see things! There's more to come!"

"John Gielgud — Chief Constable"