Jack Benny

"Bob Hope: Put your head back through there, or I'll start handing out baseballs to the audience."

"Don Wilson: [Poking his head through the curtains] Bob, Bob, quick, give me Jack's pants!"

"Bob Hope: Why do you want Jack's pants?"

"Don Wilson: Because I had to give him mine."

"Hope: You mean, Jack's actually wearing your pants?"

"Jack: [out of shot] Darn right I am."

"Bob: This is rather strange for me, I'm on the major network. [mouths ABC]"

"Bob: [about Bing Crosby] He's up in Nevada looking over Boulder Dam - his piggy bank is filled. He's so loaded, you know, he uses Howard Hughes for a bell boy."

"Jack: These last 2 miles were rugged, weren't they?"

"Clyde: I knew as soon as we got off the freeway, we'd run into trouble."

"Jack: It's really dangerous, here in the jungle."

"Clyde: You're telling me. What about those first three nights, we had to light fires to keep the animals away."

"Jack: Yeah, then we ran out of water. For three weeks we couldn't even take a bath."

"Clyde: Then the animals lit fires to keep us away."

"Jack: [Pointing to the tiger] He must have gone to a veterinarian in Denmark."

"Clyde: I wondered why he had his hand on his hip when I shot him."

"Jack: What kind of tiger is that - Siberian or Bengal?"

"Clyde: General Electric."

"Jack: I'm scared, I'm frightened."

"'Clyde:' Frightened. Why, you yellow-belly. Do you want to live forever?"

"Jack: No, I just want to reach 40."

"Clyde: Oh, we're not going to make that trip again, oh no."

"Jack: [pointing a pistol at Bob's trousers] I'm going to blow your brains out."

"Bob Hope: Let's not do any jokes we didn't plan on, eh."

"For a man who was the undisputed master of comedy timing, you'd have to say that this was the only time when Jack Benny's timing was all wrong. He left us much too soon. He was stingy to the end. He only gave us eighty years and it wasn't enough."

"Throughout Jack's violin solo at the Hollywood Bowl, the audience was glued to their seats. That was the only way he could get them to sit down."