El Goonish Shive

"Dammit, what do you say to the female duplicate of your ex-boyfriend who is hiding under the table and crying?"

"I would not dwell within your shirt in any case!"

"Repeated thwacks to the nose with a small tail beats coffee any day."

"Rated R for language, violence, and frequent and gratituous loincloth removal."

"It's hard to look bad-ass when you're using fairy powers."

"I ain't nobody's lucky bunny."

"Hair whore."

"I don't think physics teachers like me."

"That is not true! I do not rant wildly! If I rant, I do so with good reason! Like that time after I skipped lunch when they showed that movie on igneous rocks in chemistry class? I had every reason to rant! Why would you schedule such a boring movie right after a lunch period, and why would you show a movie about rocks in a chemistry class?! Maybe it had a point. I don’t know. I fell asleep. But still, it seemed really out of place to me. I think…"

"I want a rematch once I get my boobs back."

"(On how to access the power of one's ki.) By participating in difficult, overly complex and fairly ridiculous activities that shouldn't yield such fantastic results yet somehow do."

"Women's volleyball, eh?"

"YOU'VE TRESPASSED IN MY SOUL, BITCH!"

"But the Gluttonous Hamster card is a ten-ten thwacker for only three newts!"

"The boy-toy humbly accepts your terms."

"Parents tend to frown upon not knowing where their kids are sleeping at night..."

"(Note that Justin is gay.) Hello dad...I might be sleeping over at a friend's house tonight. ...Uh, you've never met her, but her name is Susan, and there's a girl named Ellen here as well, along with Nanase. ...Yes, I am spending the night with three girls. No, I don't plan on sleeping with any of them. ...You know, most parents would be happy about their sons answering 'no' to that last question..."

"I'm not trained in the art of using horses as projectile weaponry."

"(after talking with the Demon duck for a moment) Why would you be interested in humans? Shouldn't you be interested in ducks?"

"Here's that stupid camera! It was cleverly hiding in plain sight."

"[To Ellen and Nanase, who are trying to avoid attracting attention] You guys are aware that shouting whispers at each other is about the most suspicious thing you could be doing, right?"

"You talk to me because I taught you to use the hammers, and because you know I'm your hero."

"Equality? Who said anything about equality? Female superiority all the way, sister!"

"Men are insensitive jerks who are led around by little sticks."

"Given that I have no idea what they are talking about, which makes them boring..."

"As lovely as it is to know that my friend is dating a violent thug, it'll take more than that little bit of sharing to get me to open up."

"I'm giving you a raincheck for a hammering."

"This techno-babble-infested novel will serve me well."

"NO FAIR! I HAVE A HANDICAT!"

"Nanase, don't take this the wrong way, but... HOW THE HELL ARE YOU NOT FAT?!"

"(to Justin) If it makes it easier, just think of me as a less know-it-all version of Counselor Troi from Star Trek. You could even ask me what I was thinking when I hooked up with Worf!"

"(Ellen's first words) What...what is...Tedd, what's going on?"

"I- I-I'm - aren't I - Elliot?!?"

"But... but female variant #5 only lasts for a month... a-and if I'm... (crying) I'm gonna die in less than a month..."

"No worries! I-I'm not gonna die, cause I'm not the physical form of female variant #5 as it affected Elliot! I'M ELLEN, THE EVIL TWIN OF ELLIOT, AND I'M GONNA LIVE!!!"

"I also have the keys, Sherlock. In case you hadn't noticed, everything that was on you is now also on me! I'd be quite nude otherwise..."

"Go with you to what? Friends who don't know me? A family that won't love me? I don't have a home to go to, double, not with you around!"

"Am I supposed to be afraid? Sorry, but it's kind of hard to frighten the dead..."

"@#%$ logic. I'm a female bisexual duplicate of Elliot, and I can shoot green rays of light from my hands. And I'm fighting a blob of goop. Logic has nothing to do with any of this."

"We... haven't been properly introduced... Hello, my name is Ellen. It's nice to meet you."

"Mmm...Tedd..."

"Mmm... Jason D. Poit..."

"No, I wasn't! I was...um...I was picturing Grace as a platypus!"

"Oh dear God... I'm thinking like a Tedd!"

"Quiet, you're screwing up my mojo!"

"That crazed look could have meant any number of things!"

"Blasphemy."

"I'm supposed to know how magic works?"

"(imitating Sarah) "Oh, the horror! I was stuck in some other form for, like, a whole day! I'm so traumatized that I have to bitch about it, even though Ellen, someone who is basically a copy of my boyfriend who was turned into a girl forever, is standing right next to me!""

"(After swatting at Nanase's hair and Nanase asking what the hell she was doing)"