"Friends...how we happened to come to America is a great story. But I don't tell that. When we first started out, we got-a no idea you give us this-a grand reception. We donna deserve it. And when I say we donna deserve it, believe me, I know what I'm a-talkin' about...So now I tell you how we fly to America. The first time we started, we get-a halfway across when we run out-a gasoline and we gotta go back. Then I take-a twice as much gasoline. This time we-a just about to land - maybe three feet - when whaddya think? We run out-a gasoline again and a-back we go again to get-a more gas. This time I take-a plenty gas. Well, we get-a halfway over when what-a you think-a happened? We forgot-a the aeroplane. So we gotta sit down and we talk it over. Then I get-a a great idea. We no take-a gasoline. We no take-a the aeroplane. We take a steamship. And that, friends, is how we fly across the ocean."

"Groucho Marx - Otis B. Driftwood"

"Harpo Marx - Tomasso"

"Can you sleep on your stomach with such big buttons on your pajamas?"

"[to Mrs. Claypool] Don't you see, you'll be a patron of the opera. You'll get into society. Then, you can marry me and they'll kick you out of society, and all you've lost is $200,000."

"[to Gottlieb] I saw Mrs. Claypool first. Of course, her mother really saw her first but there's no point in bringing the Civil War into this."

"Chico Marx - Fiorello"

"Ladies and Gentlemen. I guess that takes in most of you. This is the opening of a new opera season, a season made possible by the generous checks of Mrs. Claypool. [Applause] I am sure the familiar strains of Verdi's music will come back to you tonight, and Mrs. Claypool's checks will probably come back in the morning. Tonight marks the American debut of Rodolfo Lassparri. [Applause] Senor Lassparri comes from a very famous family. His mother was a well known bass singer. And his father was the first man to stuff spaghetti with bicarbonate of soda, thus causing and curing indigestion at the same time. And now on with the opera. Let joy be unconfined. Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons and necking in the parlor. Play, Don."

"Louis Martin Braga - Gilbert Bates"

"Barbara Billingsley - Aunt Martha"

"Ken Osmond - Eddie Haskell, Sr."

"Geoff Pierson - Coach Gordon"

"Frank Bank - Frank"

"Justin Restivo - Lumpy"

"Kitty Carlisle - Rosa Castaldi"

"Cameron Finley - Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver"

"Erik von Detten - Wallace "Wally" Cleaver"

"Adam Zolotin - Eddie Haskell"

"Janine Turner - June Cleaver"

"Yo, I'm Gilbert. This summer, my parents shipped me off to camp. I caught impetigo. And when I got back, my dad had moved out. Only since then he moved back, but he's still sleeping in my room and I'm sleeping on the couch."

"The Beav is back."

"Erika Christensen - Karen"

"Christopher McDonald - Ward Cleaver"

"Brad Allan (uncredited)"

"Jude Poyer (uncredited)"