"Between two married couples there are five possibilities for friendship: man to man, woman to woman, each man to the woman not his wife, and couple to couple. It's seldom that more than two of these will actually materialize."

"When a woman reaches forty, she must wait twenty years for her husband to catch up."

"A husband only worries about a particular Other Man; a wife distrusts her whole species."

"How can a man marry wisely in his twenties? The girl he's going to wind up wanting hasn't even been born."

"If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping."

"After the chills and fever of love, how nice is the 98.6 degrees of marriage!"

"The marriage of convenience has this to recommend it: we are better judges of convenience than we are of love."

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

"If the second marriage really succeeds, the first one didn't really fail."

"What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures."

"Love is often gentle, desire always a rage."

"I am as I am" is another way of saying "I can do without your love."

"We lavish on animals the love we are afraid to show to people. People might not return it; or worse, they might."

"The excesses of love soon pass, but its insufficiencies torment us forever."

"When a man comes to love a woman exactly as she had dreamed, she decides he is a weakling."

"When we have been humiliated by someone we love, it takes all our strength to pretend to recover from it."

"It is a feeling at once stimulating and flat, to know that someone you do not love is in love with you."

"The hardest-learned lesson: that people have only their kind of love to give, not our kind."

"Love is the silent saying and saying of a single name."

"When we first fall in love, we feel that we know all there is to know about life, and perhaps we are right."

"No one can understand love who has not experienced infatuation. And no one can understand infatuation, no matter how many times he has experienced it."

"Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren't even there before."

"In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing."

"Hate leaves ugly scars, love leaves beautiful ones."

"No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved."

"Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and difficult as that."

"Tough and funny and a little bit kind: that is as near to perfection as a human being can be."

"People who won't have a TV set in their house get more pleasure from their refusal than most of us get from TV."

"It took man thousands of years to put words down on paper, and his lawyers still wish he wouldn't."

"I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth."

"If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they'll stop making it tomorrow; if it's all three, they stopped making it yesterday."

"Whether or not you love television, you've got to admit that it certainly loves itself."

"A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else. The same with good manners."

"Being Irish is, no matter how real, a pose."

"The woman just ahead of you at the supermarket checkout has all the delectable groceries you didn't even know they carried."

"What a shame that allowances have to stop with the teens: both those that are paid to us and those that are made for us."

"There are now electrical appliances with the main unit so sealed in that it cannot be got at for repair. There have always been human beings like that."

"You never realize how tacky your furniture is till you try to give it to the Salvation Army and they won't take it."

"I have seen messed-up people of forty who still seemed salvageable, and children of six or seven who almost surely were not."

"I do not trust those who are above name-dropping. The suppression of small vices always exacts too high a toll."

"Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by others. Yet it sometimes happens that they also have a kind of tang, a pleasantness beneath the unpleasantness, based on the tacit understanding that this is not for keeps; that any limb you climb out on will still be there later for you to climb back."

"Good food, good sex, good digestion, good sleep: to these basic animal pleasures, man has added nothing but the good cigarette."

"Most of us would rather risk catastrophe than read the directions."

"Insult, not flattery, is the great aphrodisiac."