"Life's a fragile thing, Harr. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, and the next minute you're dead meat."

"Hey. Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? [makes a loud, weird noise]"

"[after dumping Turbo Lax in Harry's tea] To my friend, Harry... the matchmaker."

"(about a passing woman at the preservation society) I'd like to eat her liver with some "farver" beans and a nice bot…"

"Mary, I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy."

"[deleted scene] Let me ask you something. Do you want to end up like Petey? Dead? In some flea-ridden apartment? Face…"

"Yeah, I'm heading to Aspen myself. Maybe we could meet up and have some hot chocolate."

"You know, Lloyd, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and tota…"

"[to Mary, while looking at a pair of owls] Nice set of hooters you got there."

"What the one doesn't have, the other is missing."