"I don't know about you, but I really believe that there's one person out there, and for me it's gotta be Amanda."

"Mike Dexter is an asshole. For the past decade, he has made a hobby of my pain. Witness exhibit A: my eighth grade sc…"

"You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of ton…"

"All right this is it. It is finally time for Kenny Fisher to become... da man. Now I've done my laps, and all ten fin…"

"[after he spilled water on his pants] Damn, she's gonna think I got that premature evacuation!"

"Angel Stripper: Fate. There is fate. But it only takes you so far, because once you're there, it's up to you to make …"

"Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's the future. Tonight's the party!"

"An event eighteen years in the making."

"For the class of 1998, the last night of high school is the first night of the rest of their lives."

"[narrating] It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on ti…"