"Talking about being in heaven- It's not fair though because all them lot have been up there ages with like a chance to get a bit of sun on the body and that so they'll look alright. I'll be wandering about with underpant marks and stuff."

"Now Hilda, she was your bog standard old woman."

"I was at some night once, right. It was some night out and er, some people come running on stage. And some music started coming on. These four people came running out, it was two women, two blokes. It wasn't gay an' that. It was just a normal night -well, y'know, some party night out. These people come running on. You've got two women, you've got two blokes. They whip their knickers off. The fellas whip their undies off. All at the same time, like er, whatsit? Cheryl Baker was in it... Bucks Fizz. So that happened and all I'm saying is, right; before I had a look at the woman's bits, I just had a cheeky glance at the fellas' bits, just checkin' it out, checking everything's normal down there. Believe me, I had a look at the ladies' bits but I didn't know how long that pants were going to left off for."

"Walking down the street in London with Suzanne, saw a little homeless.. well I didn't see the homeless bloke right, I saw a leg stickin out of a doorway, thought 'here we go', right. Walked past it, right, you're not gonna believe this. Homeless.... Chinese fella. I've never seen one of them."

"Fella comes walking toward me. Only got no pants on. So I said, ‘Suzanne, what's going on?’"

"A stitch in five saves fifteen or whatever - Another re-evaluation by Karl of the phrase 'A stitch in time saves nine'"

"A dog has got human eyes."

"I was still using my eyes even though I had them shut"

"I saw a cockroach playing Pacman. It was on the internet, right, and somebody had linked up a cockroach to err... to some... I can't even be bothered explaining it, but that's what I'm saying - everything is moving on"

"It's like the panda, they say that's dying out. But what do they do? When you see them they're just sitting in the jungle eating"

"They keep saying that sea levels are rising an all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science."

"People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?"

"I will not be lickin a frog, so there's nothin' to worry about"

"They've found this spider, in the jungle. Three foot long, it eats chicken. Bit weird, innit. People moan saying that you shouldn't lock animals up and all the rest of it, but to be honest I wish it was locked up. The idea that it's roaming in a jungle... get it locked up."

"On octopuses - When you see 'em in films, they're running about an' that and everyone likes an octopus."

"I'd kick it, and I'd say 'You knob-head'. - Karl tells Ricky his response to being poisoned by an octopus."

"In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert. It's worse in the sea [than anywhere else in the animal kingdom]. In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock."

"On chameleons - Stay green. Stay in the woods. Stay safe."

"On seals - Its between a fish and a dog."

"Flies used to be happy-go-lucky, on their own; the sun’s out, have a fly about. Now, there’s little attacks going on."

"At no point am I going to lick a little frogs head."

"I've been watchin birds more than insects recently, and the thing I've found with pigeons is: they've got wings but they walk a lot"

"If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?"

"So I was watchin David Attenborough.. he makes his money out of flies and that dun' he"

"At what point is a wasp ever going to have a chat with a spider?"

"(on cockroaches living without a head for a week) Why, when it was invented, has it got that facility?"

"No it's one of them things though, imagine it.. if you're that caretaker and you're thinkin I've got away with this then suddenly a plant grasses you up.. you weren't expectin that."

"And whilst the lizard’s having a kip, the scorpion says, ‘Tell ya what: I’ll do you a little deal…’"

"It is hard eating a little kangaroo knob."

"Apparently you're not allowed to lick a toad's back."

"Turns out it was another load of monkeys from another part of the island...from the rough bit..."

"So you're sayin that it's easy to send somat up to space, but you don't believe there's a little banana machine?"

"Why is it alright to be going around, going mental with a gun, shooting all the monkeys and killing them? Because one day we're going to run out."

"It would be impossible, I'd just chuck meself into the salt pot or something. I'd hate that, that would be horrible that [Karl answering Ricky's question of how he would get Suzanne's attention in the Kitchen if he were a slug]"

"[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water."

"The more I study the productions of the new schools of theological teachers, the more I marvel that men and women can be satisfied with such writing. There is a vagueness, a mistiness, a shallowness, an indistinctness, a superficiality, an aimlessness, a hollowness about the literature of the Catholic or broader systems, as they are called, which, to my mind, stamps their origin on their face. They are of the earth, earthy."

"The end to which good men's libraries finally come is a melancholy subject. Few things are so much loved by some, and despised and neglected by others, as books, and specially theological books."

"With all the stir made about education, the ignorance of our own country's history is something lamentable and appalling and depressing."

"Examine your own hearts. Do you see there any habit or custom which you know is wrong in the sight of God? If you do, don't delay for a moment in attacking it. Resolve at once to lay it aside. Nothing darkens the eyes of the mind so much, and deadens the conscience so surely, as an allowed sin. It may be a little one, but it is not any less dangerous."

"It has often been observed that the mothers of great men, and especially of great divines, have been remarkable for strong mind and force of intellect. Mothers have been found, as a general rule, to influence children's character far more than fathers."

"Tomorrow is the devil's day, but today is God's. Satan cares not how spiritual your intentions may be, and how holy your resolutions, if only they are fixed for tomorrow."

"[T]he parent who tries to train without setting a good example is building with one hand and pulling down with the other."

"Hell itself is truth known too late."

"All the simplicity in the world can do no good, unless you preach the simple Gospel of Jesus Christ so fully and clearly that everybody can understand it. If Christ crucified has not His rightful place in your sermons, and sin is not exposed as it should be, and your people are not plainly told what they ought to believe, and be, and do, your preaching is of no use."

"Before Christ comes, it is useless to expect to see a perfect Church."

"Fear puts an end to openness of manner; fear leads to concealment; fear sows the seed of much hypocrisy, and leads to many a lie."

"Value all books in proportion as they are agreeable to Scripture. Those that are nearest to it are the best, and those that are farthest from it, and most contrary to it, are the worst."

"Let your Christianity be so unmistakeable, your eye so single, your heart so whole, your walk so straightforward, that all who see you may have no doubt whose you are and whom you serve."

"Do something, by God's help, to make heaven more full and hell more empty."

"Where no visible fruit can be found, there you may be sure is no conversion."