"Like I say, the first time I saw Steve I was never havin' a go, it was just, 'oh that's different' but you know, Steve, I was never havin' a go, it's just that thing, 'oh right interesting'"

"Is there anyone else that you look like, Steve, or would you say you're a bit of a one-off?"

"Just pop it on your wrist. - Ricky asks Karl how his 'invention' of a watch that counts down your life would actually work."

"On Steve's dancing ability- er, it's just like a bit of weird art"

"It was good to know that if everything did go tits up, there's someone else in the world who would put up with me"

"I'm really happy, I just don't choose to show it."

"From someone whose dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you'd be grateful!"

"Were you a tall baby?"

"Yeah, we'll do that, Lanky."

"If he's 27 today, he would have been 26 last week, and he doesn't look 26. He didn't look 26 last week, and he looks older than 28 today."

"The reason there are so many gyms in London is because the amount of gay people who are here now."

"If it's all about arse, why don't gays like a little bit of tit?"

"Who's the mental one here? Is it me, or everyone else?"

"Well, you took me to the BAFTAs. Yeah, but only cos no-one else would probably wanna go with you."

"I was walking home the other night, and I was thinking about it, and do you worry that when you're old you will be on your own?"

"On homosexuals- I'm still none the wiser as to why they do that - Video Podcast|Video Podcast 5"

"I was walking past a sex shop an' that. One, it was open early which I never understood, it was about eight o'clock in the morning. Who needs butt plugs then?"

"(After chatting about the Serbian sex machine invention and Karl said 'Did it have to be a woman or could they have got a gay fella in - butt plugs and that').."

"On homosexuals- They're more up for a bit more experimentation an' that -Podcast Series 1 Episode 2"

"If you had 5 photos of anuses, I could not point mine out"

"All I'm sayin is.. I've since found out what they do do with 'em.. and if they do do that with them.. give 'em a go on that."

"The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money."

"A stitch in five saves fifteen or whatever - Another re-evaluation by Karl of the phrase 'A stitch in time saves nine'"

"The best thing you can do is look after yourself. Get on with it."

"You can only talk rubbish if you're aware of knowledge."

"You don't have to do it straight away, but just do it before it gets really bad - Karl re-evaluates the phrase A stitch in time saves nine."

"So you're sayin that it's easy to send somat up to space, but you don't believe there's a little banana machine?"

"People who live in a glass house have to answer the door - Karl invents his own phrase based on Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

"Language is a powerful thing init...er..."

"Whoop, there's an elephant in the room"

"It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep"

"You know that guy Richard Blackwood? He went in for a colonic, live TV. Never seen again."

"No ones been up that high!"

"On seeing an ultrasound picture- It was an awkward situation because she was happy with it. I was like 'Oh God'. It was an odd looking thing. I couldn't say 'Oh, it looks like you' because that would be a diss."

"Could the world fall?"

"On the possibility of meeting Warwick Davis- The first time I see him, I'd be a little like, what should I say, what shouldn't I say? Whereas once you get to know him I'm sure he'd be a lovely little fella."

"(On fun-sized chocolates) I don't know why they're called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off"

"Turns out it was another load of monkeys from another part of the island...from the rough bit..."

"It’s just hassle of having friends and family an’ that."

"The world is getting more and more scruffier, innit?"

"You won't get anything done by planning."

"That impresses me more, inventin' electricity[Talking about Benjamin Franklin]"

"I think some bacteria have better lives than that [Karls interpretation on the life of an innuit]"

"What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?"

"Any problem solved is a new problem made."

"Yeah but everyone was a saint years ago, that seemed to be thrown about back then. Who's a saint now, in this year, who's a saint? And yet this guy, lived in a hut in the woods, 'oh yeah that's Saint John or whatever.' He wasn't a saint, he did nothin [Karl arguing with Steve and Ricky about Russian artifacts containing a portrait of a Russian Saint]"

"They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?"

"You can be an ugly baby and everyone goes awww innit nice? There was some women in a cafe the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about oh the baby's lovely. They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I dont know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger. I dont know what kept me from sayin' it."

"Just been into the zoo, 'avin a look round an that. Went into the, er, into the aquarium. Mental, the amount of fish that are knockin' about"