"Strong Bad: Boy, you said it, Strong Mad. This is the lamest haunted house ever. [looks down] My pants haven't entertained the thought of peeing themselves even once."

"Homestar Runner: No, no. Scary shoes. Spooky shoes are the next room."

"Strong Bad: Homestar, your haunted house is even worse than normal this year. You ever think of using any actual Halloween decorations?"

"Strong Bad: This place is a disgrace to haunted houses, haunted hovels, haunted timeshares, and haunted extended stay motels even."

"Strong Bad: Then there would be... the gross out room. But instead of severed limbs, and surgeries gone wrong, it's just a silent white room filled with pure stench. And, oh, ho, ho. What a stench it is! Let me lay it on you like a movie trailer: Strong Mad! Oyster! Smoothie! Breath! Caked! Armpit! Latte!"

"Strong Bad: [watching on CCTV] Yup, just, just reach in the toilet. I just want you to reach in the toilet."

"Strong Sad: It's pointing at the toilet."

"Strong Sad: But that's just misdirection."

"Strong Bad: I just want you to touch the poop."

"Strong Sad: It's too easy."

"Strong Bad: Touch the poop!"

"Strong Bad: Touch the freakin' poop!!"

"Strong Bad: Nowadays, everybody's tired of the same old evil clowns, undead cheerleaders, and all those bloody-eyed found footage children. But for my haunted house, I will unleash an entirely new horror icon! Say hello to the new face of terror: LARGE BEAN!"

"Cheerleader: [to So and So] Shut yer plaid skirted face! Here comes a boy!"

"The Ugly One: Owww! My the fact that I was alive a second ago!"

"Cheerleader: Stop talking to fruit! Valentimes [sic] is serious times!"

"So and So: -tines."

"Cheerleader: As I was saying, Vamlumtime's [sic] Day is serious times."

"Cheerleader: Oh my grash, gals! Guess who just got a date for the priggidy prizom?!"

"So and So: No no, that's the name of this year's prom."

"Japanese Culture Greg: Come on Chizuko, we're too cool for the prom anyway."

"Narrator: UNCANNY VALLEY'D!"

"Japanese Culture Greg: THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!"

"Strong Bad: Oh dang! Oh dang muffins! Oh dang muffins pie! OH DANG MUFFINS PIE À LA MODE! This is gonna be the best April Fools' Day prank call ever! Now you're sure the science is sound? The battle axes and Cheez Wheezes will actually get through the phone lines?"

"The Cheat: [gibberish]"

"Strong Bad: [smoothly] Good afternoon, Mrs. Pan. This is Vince Napmaker from public radio's "The World is my Butt". We wanted to call you to thank you for being a continued supporter of public radio. But we wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to increase your support. Every dollar counts. Do you have any idea how much it costs to act like you're this much better than everyone else? And furthermore, our uppity podcasts aren't going to create themselves. So please, as always, for the sake of tote bags everywhere, put a bunch of cash in a paper and/or plastic bag and leave it on the doorstep."

"Homestar Runner: Oh man, Marzipan. Kickstarter sensation the Ouya, they're gonna make games for that thing for the rest of eternity! Mark my words, every game that comes out from now until the end of time will also come out on the Ouya. Gonna outlive Sony, Nintendo, Coleco, Canseco, Jaleco, all of the heavy hitters. Anyways, I can't wait to be playing Ouya games in fifteen years, or even like, five months! Written in Sharpie on the bathroom wall of history!"

"Strong Sad: Oh, hey Marzipan. It's Strong Sad. Uh, I've just been feeling really depressed, 'cause, because I haven't been acting very depressed. It used to be my thing, but I don't feel like I get to be sad and depressing anymore, like I used to. So I just want to kinda beef up my numbers in the sad and depressing column. So I may be leaving you some messages, you know sort of dark, inner demons, and that kind of thing. Should be fun."

"Strong Bad: [robotically] Greetings, Marzipan. This is an automated call from Grody Lab Results, Incorporated. Your test results are: negative."

"Homestar Runner: Oh man, Marzipan. Can you hear that? That is the majestic hush of a paradigm shift. That's right. Me and Pom Pom are waiting in line for our Google Glass! I can't wait to be like, lookin' through this thing! And like, seein' other things! I honestly can't remember how I lived my life yesterday, without Google Glass. These things are gonna change the way they build cities! I'm talkin' Bezos segway style. Alright, I gotta go. It's almost me and Pom Pom's turn! Blinking photographs into the profile pics of history!"

"Strong Bad: [unconvincing “foreign” accent] Oh, yes, Marzipan. This is your foreign boyfriend, Rongardo Shavemybody. It's so nice to hear your voice again on machine of answers. I miss all the time we spent in foreign lands together, havin' exotic foods. I'm visiting your country now, and want you to come and meet with me. I hear there's a lovely little café in a place called Strong Badia. Would you go, please, and wait for me there? As is the custom of my people, I will be very late, and you should wait for a really long time. You will think that it is too long to be waiting, but I assure you is the custom of my payple [sic], and you don't want to be offending my payple, do you? Alright. I kiss you on both sides of your cheek and underneath your chin. As is the custom of... a-my PAYple. And now I bid you farewell in the most prime language of my country. Braunschweiger!"

"Strong Bad: "Enter your name." I gotta go with the number one world athletic champion, Loadpast. "Loadpast pick your country!" I see the very current nations of U.S.S.R. and West Germany."

"Strong Bad: Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Nice wipeout! I did, like six 360s! That's like a... six-thrixty!"

"Strong Bad: [narrating a picture book] Strong Bad and his The Cheat rolled up and started talking smack. [in awkward monotone] "You look dumb and stuff! Doing yardwork is only for the loseriest of losers!""

"Strong Bad: "Ha ha ha ha! That guy is talking to a thing that's not a person!" cackled Strong Bad with sort of a nose."

"Strong Bad: Ohh, fine, fine. So I shall. How about The Strong Sad Wets Yonder Bed?"

"Night Watchman Coach Z: Slow night at City Hall, eh, fellow night watchman?"