"Frank here was staring at a white picket fence. Now he's single, he's broke, and has second degree burns all over his body. And I see a spark in his eye that I haven't seen in fifteen years."

"I'd like to welcome you all to the Mitch Martin Freedom Festival. Now for those of you who don't know who Mitch Martin is, he's the very successful, very disease-free gentleman standing by the mini bar. Now, courtesy of Speaker City, which is slashing prices on everything from beepers to DVD players, give a warm Harrison welcome to my pal and your favorite, Snoop Dogg."

"Yeah, that's it. I got a student alt rock band coming on next. Mitch, I own six speaker cities. I am worth three a half million dollars that the government knows about, and I can barely read. I can't. I got more electronics up there than a damn KISS concert. You think I'm gonna roll out this type of red carpet for a fucking marching band? Just make sure you can see the stage."

"I know a really good sand guy."

"[to Frank's father in law] It takes a man to give away an angel. Your sweetheart. [wink]"

"Well, why don't you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife."

"Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to you man; you have one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frankie. Way to think it through."

"I have a wife and kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frankie?"

"Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass."

"What we need to do is throw a big kick off, kick ass party."

"Because this is a very big idea my friends. We're talking about a non-exclusive egalitarian brotherhood where community status and more importantly age have no bearing whatsoever."

"Were GOIN STREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"No, it's cool, it's cool, it's cool...bring-bring your green hat, let's go! [at the same party, to one of Snoop's entourage wearing a green hat]"

"SNOOP!! SNOOP-A-LOOP!!! [upon seeing rapper Snoop Dogg perform at the fraternity party]"

"I'm so cold...I think I see Blue! He looks glorious."

"YOU'RE MA BOY BLUE!...You're Ma Boy!"

"Blue, do you understand I dont want you to die here tonight?"

"I'm back! [Kicks a woman's shopping cart.] You know it!"

"[Shot in neck with tranquilizer dart, voice morphs into slow motion.] You're crazy, man. I like you, but you're crazy."

"In this corner, weighing in at 110 pounds and pushing 89 years of age and the recent recipient of a brand new plastic hip, Joseph "Blue" Polaski."

"[Sitting naked in the car.] Hey honey! Do you think KFC is still open?"

"No it's cool man, bring your green hat! We're going streaking!"

"Don't worry. The pledges will clean it up."

"[Funnels a beer.] Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!"

"[Trying to talk over party noise.] Actually pretty nice little Saturday. We're going to Home Depot. Yeah buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed Bath and Beyond... I don't know! I don't know if we'll have enough time!"

"Blue's over there. But he's wasted."

"[Voiceover.] Dear Mitch, if you're holding this letter you already know. The house has been boarded up. The doors. The windows. Everything. We're at the Comfort Inn. Room 112. I love you. Frank"