"[after the car is driven into the pool] Wow. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix any of this shit. I'm sorry Thomas. I just wanted to get some pussy."

"[about the "Naked Girls Only" sign by the pool] The next time your pool guy comes by for a clean, he's gonna say, "Excuse me Mr. Kub, but I think I may have found some water in your semen.""

"[on video] What up my lovely females? This is your boy Costa, your host for the evening. Behind me is Thomas Kub's house. Today is Thomas Kub's birthday, [grabs crotch] and this is Project X, yo."

"Oliver Cooper - Costa."

"Thomas Mann - Thomas Kub"

"Jonathan Daniel Brown - J.B."

"Kirby Bliss Blanton - Kirby"

"Dax Flame - Dax"

"Alexis Knapp - Alexis"

"Miles Teller - Miles"

"Martin Klebba - Angry Little Person"

"Rick Shapiro - T-Rick"

"Al Checco — Bernard Stein"

"Jean Carson — Nanny"

"Marge Champion — Rosalind Dunphy"

"Natalia Borisova — Ballerina"

"Steve Franken — Levinson (drunk waiter)"

"James Lanphier — Harry (head waiter)"

"Birdie Num Num"

"Gavin MacLeod — C. S. Divot"

"Herbert Ellis — Director"

"Claudine Longet — Michele Monet"

"Peter Sellers — Hrundi V. Bakshi"

"If you've ever been to a wilder party... you're under arrest"

"Howdy partiner"

"Wisdom is the province of the aged, but the heart of a child is pure."

"Thirty days have September, October, June and February, all the rest have 29, except my brother who got six months."

"Allen Jung — Cook"

"Kathe Green — Molly Clutterbuck"

"Paul Ferrara — Ronnie Smith"

"Danielle De Metz — Stella D'Angelo"

"Frances Davis — Maid"

"Dick Crockett — Wells"

"Corinne Cole — Janice Kane"