Dirty Sanchez

"You know this shit's Newport!"

"Pancho's got a fucking sniper rifle, I wouldn't trust him with a fucking pea shooter!"

"All the wannabe-trendies who took the piss out of skateboarding, now they're trying to dress like skateboarders. So we've gone back to dressing smart... but like "dirty-smart". I dunno, it's just a blazer, man!"

"Pancho, I'm telling the whole world. You are...SPUNK CHOPS!"

"Pancho's biggest fear is... me telling you about the spunk challenge!"

"(After sitting on a safety pin) "There's a prick up my arse!""

""Describe Joyce? Hmm... A gimp/townie with a little bit of skateboarder. You're almost really inbred!"

"Tonight, I'm going to be Doctor Daint!"

"What's up, Shit-Lips?"

"Mind over matter, boys! Mind over fucking matter!"

"(After Pritchard knocks his hand whilst going to touch a tarantula) "It'll bite me! Fuck off! It bit me once already...in my mind.""

"Can I have my food sprinkled with the magic of Thailand, please?" (Pancho:) "What's that, chili sauce?"

"That's right, I'm pink. And pink might be pussy. But this pink guy is now a superhero. And this superhero is called, 'Pinky Dinky Dainty.' And he's gunna fuck Pritchard's world."

"I was a rabbit in my former life"

"I could sit here drinking whiskey and eating bugs all night, it's like pork scratchings"

"This soup better be Weight Watchers!"

"(To Pancho) "Panch you're not suppose to hit me, I'm your mate you fucking idiot!""

"(To Pancho on the building site) "Fucking make your arms go as fast as your fucking mouth" (Pancho:) "Shut up, you bellend""

"(After giving Pancho a 'mohawk') "Mr Mohawk's...pissed right off!""

"(Talking about his OCD) "NO, let me explain my teeth brushing...This is so fucked up!""

"I hope you know you've opened yourself up to a whole world of pain!"

"(About Pancho) "He's always too pissed to get it together to have revenge!""

"When you come to Newport, NO ONE can hear you scream!"

"(After nailing Pritchards penis to a plank of wood) "If it didn't hurt, I wouldn't pull it Pritchard!""

"(Taking the piss out of Dan) "Ohh, my nose hairs are gonna burn""

"(After Dan is sick a weird colour) "What the fuck have you been eating Joyce?""

"(Taking the piss out of Pritch) "There's no rings on these fingers!""

"Day 5 in the Dainton house, and the baby's started to burn things."

"(When being told to rub salt in a friction burn) "Fucking rub it in?! It's fucking MELTING in!""

"(When being buried in snow) "I think I'm halucinating! I'm dying! I'm shutting down!""

"(To Pritchard) "You've gone agro on your own issues, you're really fucked up ain't you!""

"Give me razor blades and safety pins any day!"

"(Talking to himself) "Like skulls, death ripping through the groud, the devil's got horns..""

"(While cutting someones hair) "The look I'm trying to achieve is...I haven't got a fucking clue.""

"Big or small, fuck 'em all."

"(Getting ready to snort up the contents of an ashtray) "And now... Johnny Cash - Snort some ash!""

"(After finding out he is legally married to Pritchard) "I can't be married to fucking Freddie Boswell, I got a good woman back home!""

"(Whilst getting a tattoo on his backside) "My arse has gone like a piece of wobbly jelly.""

"(About to get his arse waxed) "Right in the Gary Glitter!""

"(After getting a D lock locked around his neck) "Right! Short man syndrome? Fuckin' right! I'm taking it to a fucking level this time! (Starts thumping the nearest door) AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!"

"This is a bloody bar, you arsehole! This isn't a house ... This is my bar!"

"It's true, I am the fool of the show!"

"(After dislocating his little finger) "This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home... this little piggy went to the pub, where I wish I'd gone to instead of the back of this van. This little piggy went to the club, with the lovely young mum...Single Mum...dirty mum... and this little piggy doesn't know what the fuck is going on!""

"(Trying to smash a double glazed window pane with his head) "My head feels like a fucking gypo's arse!""

"(Upon Pritchard confuses the word "Water Jungle" with "Rain Forest") "I thought I was thick!""

"(After being hit between the legs with a shovel) "My fucking bell-end is on fucking fire!""

"(After eating stinging nettles) "No more nettles for tea, boys. This organic stuff is shit!"

"(When Dainton asks if Pritchard's tattoo - "I Love Dainton" - on his penis is real) "Try rubbing it off, Daint!""

"(After being woken up by being pelted with oranges and spray painted green with is clothes cut up to try and make him look like The Incredible Hulk) "Oh i'm green...great""

"(Talking about a gig they did in Berlin) "I'd rather wank my old man off than turn up there again...""