Dirty Sanchez

"'I Love (or Heart) Dainton'. He's gonna go fucking nuts!"

"(after catching Dainton drawing a pentagram in blood on his floor) Aww, Daint, you can't put a fucking pentagram on my floor. I...I'm not a devil house!""

"Fucking Dainton... he's got a big willy..."

"(drunk) "I like to gamble! I like to gamble money, I li... I... burps I like to gamble!""

"How funny is Pancho? Really, really funny."

"(After having something go into his head) "God man, that's your head! There's important stuff in there!""

"(to Dainton:) "Daint, stop being a dick for once in your life will you?!""

"(When Pritchard and Pancho accidentally marry) "Panch stop making a fucking making a joke of it! This is real shit!""

"(When Pritchard and Pancho accidentally marry) "I'll kick you in the fanny in a minute, I'm not married...to a MAN.""

"(Playing Moisty's Mallet) "I was in fucking thick class in school, they never taught us about Dinosaurs, alright?!""

"(Playing Moisty's Mallet, trying to say, 'Rain Forest')"Water Jungle.""

"(When Dainton throws a spider at him) "Get him away from my life!""

"Make him scream, make him cry...make him want an apple pie."

"(After being sprayed by Dainton with pepper spray) "FUCKING ROCK'N'ROLL! FUCKING ROCK'N'ROLL!""

"Aww, look at the little chicks!"

"(After Joycey commenting - "That's a very classy way of doing it" - on Pritchard's choice of the cigarette cutter to slice his finger off) "I'm a posh man, Daniel.""

"Daniel Joyce - he makes the ladies moist."

"(With mouse traps on his ear) "The Mouse Catcher - Gimme some mice! Where the fucking mice? Where the fucking mice?! Let me at 'em!""

"(After being whipped in the back) "That's a Paul Weller! It just wells up!""

"(Referring to a spider) "He's so big he can't fit in his house!""

"(To Dainton) "Let's see your starfish.""

"(Whispering to Dainton) "Smell my shit.""

"(To Dainton:) "Would you like me to lapdance for you, scary Newport man?""

"(When Pancho tries to pull his hair out) "Leave my hair alone you little shit!""

"(After Dainton shaves the top of Pritchards hair off whilst he was asleep) "It's gone! My Hair's fucking gone!.....I look like a fucking Nun!""

"This is Dirty Sanchez not fucking gay school!"

"(To Dainton in the 'Guess the Ladyboy challenge') "Oh Daint, she's got wicked fucking knockers!""

"(After Dainton throws a dart, which hits Pritchard on his finger) "Don't play fucking darts with Dainton! Right in the fucking nail.....Twat!""

"(After burying Dainton's jacket with Dan & Pancho) "I fucking buried his jacket and he still fucking knows! Daint, have you got fucking eyes in the back of your fucking head?! Absolute fuck it! Take me fucking back to Wales!""

"(About his mother) "She's 55, she must have taken it up the backdoor once upon a time!""

"That shuddered my brain!"

"(While cooking a pube pizza for Dan) "All the time I was a chef, I never prepared anything like this...""

"I can't stand being serious, that's my problem"

"(In an interview about his girlfriend) "Ohh, this is where the lovey dovey bit comes in!""

"(While Dainton is teasing him about a spider) "It could be on your cock, it could be in your hair, it could be in your gob, I don't want to touch it!""

"(Talking about nakedness) "Ohh, look at his winky, thats a bit small!""

"(Having an earring torn out) "If I get hit by a car or a bus, it's gonna hurt more than an earlobe, so fucking rip my ear out!""

"(Having his health asessed) "Look at that belly! You can tell I've had a good life since the first show!""

"Some of the things I've done over the years are absolutely stupidly...well just absolutely stupid!"

"(About Pancho) "I like to think I could trust Panch with my life, but he's so clumsy and uncoordinated, he'd just fuck it up.""

"(While choosing some jeans) "Got to flash your ass for the cowgirls!""

"(About a football boot) "That is literally going RIGHT into my arse.""

"(When asked to make a wish) "Can I bum Daint tonight?""

"(After Dainton hits him) "Yep. Right in the fucking eardrum. Lovely.""

"(After hitting Dainton with a fishing line) "This was made to pick up 500 pounds worth of fish, and it snapped on PlumBum's arse!""

"Vultures are called vultures because they're vultures. What the fuck am I saying?"

"(Hitting Pancho with a rolling pin) "Your hand is my pastry, look away!""

"I don't like pain. I'm a big pussy really."

"(About Pritchard) "He's like 'Hey, jump off a cliff!' 'OK then, I'll just jump off a cliff!' 'No, no, I was only joking!' 'Well, why not? We're here, lets just jump off it. How bad can it be? Either I die or I won't...' That's him, Mister Fifty-fifty.""

"Sleep when you're dead."