"PFC Foley: I'll tell you what we're gonna do: we're gonna go home, we're gonna paint the scratches on this tank, we're gonna put the sarge to bed and we're gonna forget this night ever happened!"

"[reporting over the radio on a riot at the USO] Ladies and gentlemen, every where I look... soldiers are fighting sailors, sailors are fighting Marines! Directly in front of me, I see a flying blond floozy! Everywhere I look... everywhere, pure pandemonium... pandemonium!"

"[after seeing Captain von Kleinschmidt enter] Jesus Palomino, a Nazi! I knew it, you're all in cahoots! Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Heinie Kraut, I fought your kind in the Great War, and we kicked the living shit out of you!"

"You ain't gettin' shit out of me. I've been constipated all week and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it!"

"You sneaky little bastards aren't getting doodly shit from me. Except maybe my name, rank, and Social Security number: Wood, Hollis P., Lumberjack, Social Security 106-43-2185."

"To Hollywood... and glory!"

"[referring to "Wild Bill" Kelso] That is the craziest son of a bitch I've ever seen."

"[arriving at a movie theater] Ah, Dumbo. Sure be good to get my mind off things for a while."

"Bombs! I don't hear any bombs! Now they're up there. They came all the way from Asia. Don't you think they'd bring a few bombs along? You can't have an air raid without bombs!"

"This isn't the state of California, it's a state of insanity."

"[to Donna] It's big. The biggest one here. You know what else? It's got a lot of range. You know what I mean by range, don't you? I mean, it can stay up for a long time. A very long time. And it's built firm and solid. Because it has to be. Because of its tremendous forward thrust. And when this baby delivers its payload... devastating."

"[To Gen. Stillwell] Sir, I'd like to say something. We've been through a lot, all of us. We faced the enemy for the first time last night, right in our own backyards. We came together, put all our differences aside and carried on the true spirit of America. I think no matter what happens, what sacrifices we have to face, we can carry forward, like Americans. While we're doing our repairs here, I'm going to hang this wreath on my front door - this symbol of Christmas, this symbol of peace. I just want to remind us all that we're not going to let a bunch of treacherous enemy killjoys ruin our Christmas. [Hangs wreath on door. House falls off cliff]"

"[To Betty, before she leaves for the USO.] I don't know what they've told you down at the USO, but you're going to be meeting a lot of strange men. Men in uniform. Boys a long way from home, lonely, desperate. They really have one thing on their minds. Show them a good time."

"[Repeated line] If there's one thing I can't stand seeing, it's Americans fighting Americans."

"Michael McKean - Willy"

"Lionel Stander - Angelo Scioli"

"Luis Contreras - Zoot Suiter"

"Dub Taylor - Mr. Malcomb"

"Steven Mond - Gus Douglas"

"Frank McRae - Private Ogden Johnson Jones"

"Lucinda Dooling - Lucinda"

"Penny Marshall - Miss Fitzroy"

"Whitney Rydbeck - Daffy"

"Patti LuPone - Lydia Hedberg"

"Geno Silva - Martinez"

"Perry Lang - Dennis DeSoto"

"John Voldstad - USO Nerd"

"John Candy - Private First Class Foley"

"Wendie Jo Sperber - Maxine Dexheimer"

"Kerry Sherman - USO Girl"

"Slim Pickens - Hollis P. Wood"

"Dianne Kay - Betty Douglas"

"Walter Olkewicz - Private Hinshaw"

"Eddie Deezen - Herbie Kazlminsky"

"Bobby Di Cicco - Wally Stephens"

"Nancy Allen - Donna Stratton"

"Treat Williams - Corporal Chuck Sitarski"

"Robert Stack - Major General Joseph W. Stilwell"

"You ride off with somebody else's $12,000,000 horse, did you think we wouldn't notice?"

"Robert Fields - Raymond Chandler"

"Franklin Cover - Ed Wimpiris"

"George Coe - Claude Axhelm"

"Barbara Rucker - Mary Ann Stravros"

"Judith Baldwin - Patricia Cornell"