"Jesus was My son. Buddha was My son. Muhammad, Moses, you, the man who said there was no room at the inn was My son."

"Put down that man—and women persons—their existence means exactly and precisely, not more, not one tiny bit less, jus…"

"I know how hard it is in these times to have faith. But maybe if you could have the faith to start with, maybe the ti…"

"Oh, uh…I-I-I-I'm-I must have drove through, uh, a car wash wi-with my windows open?"

"Your Honour, I would like to call to the stand the Lord God."

"I went to empty the garbage and two people blessed me. And then one of them blessed the garbage. And then he asked me…"

""It's true. People have trouble remembering My Words. Moses had such a bad memory I had to give him tablets"."

"Anybody who could turn Lot's wife into a pillar of salt, incinerate Sodom and Gomorrah and make it rain for forty day…"

"It's an almighty laugh!"

"David Ogden Stiers — Mr McCarthy, District Produce Manager"