Oh, God! (film)

"I don't like to brag, but if I appeared to you just as God—how I really am, what I really am—, your mind couldn't grasp it."

"Trust Me, like it says on the money."

"It's a policy of Mine: I try not to work with more than one saviour at a time."

"I don't do miracles. They're too flashy. And they upset the natural balance. … The last miracle I did was the 1969 Mets. Before that, I think you have to go back to the Red Sea. That was a beauty."

"I only know what is. Also, I'm very big on what was. On what isn't yet, I haven't got a clue."

"I'll tell ya something never came out: I made Adam seventeen. Eve was fifteen—sixteen, tops. I figured then sixteen, seventeen was middle aged, you know. Who knew people would live so long? Trees I figured had the best chance. Now I realise they were kids—babies. Young people can't fall from my grace; they're my best things. Put that down."

"Jesus was My son. Buddha was My son. Muhammad, Moses, you, the man who said there was no room at the inn was My son."

"Put down that man—and women persons—their existence means exactly and precisely, not more, not one tiny bit less, just what they think it means, and what I think doesn't count at all."

"If you find it hard to believe in Me, maybe it would help you to know that I believe in you."

"I know how hard it is in these times to have faith. But maybe if you could have the faith to start with, maybe the times would change. You could change them. Think about it. Try. And try not to hurt each other. There's been enough of that. It really gets in the way. I'm a God of very few words and Jerry's already given you Mine. However hopeless, helpless, mixed up and scary it all gets, it can work."

"Oh, uh…I-I-I-I'm-I must have drove through, uh, a car wash wi-with my windows open?"

"Your Honour, I would like to call to the stand the Lord God."

"I went to empty the garbage and two people blessed me. And then one of them blessed the garbage. And then he asked me if our children were conceived immaculately."

""It's true. People have trouble remembering My Words. Moses had such a bad memory I had to give him tablets"."

"Anybody who could turn Lot's wife into a pillar of salt, incinerate Sodom and Gomorrah and make it rain for forty days and forty nights has got to be a fun guy."

"It's an almighty laugh!"

"Suppose—Just Suppose—God Told You To Spread The Word?"

"Carl Reiner's "Oh, God!" is a treasure of a movie: A sly, civilized, quietly funny speculation on what might happen if God endeavored to present himself in the flesh yet once again to forgetful Man. He comes back this time looking and talking a great deal like George Burns, an improvement on his earlier cinematic incarnations. And as his contact on Earth, he selects a common man—John Denver, to the manner born."

"George Burns — God"

"John Denver — Jerry Landers"

"Teri Garr — Bobbie Landers"

"Donald Pleasence — Doctor Harmon"

"Ralph Bellamy — Sam Raven"

"William Daniels — George Summers"

"Barnard Hughes — Judge Baker"

"Paul Sorvino — Reverend Willie Williams"

"Dinah Shore — Herself"

"Carl Reiner — Dinah's guest"

"David Ogden Stiers — Mr McCarthy, District Produce Manager"

"Moosie Drier — Adam Landers"

"Rachel Longaker — Becky Landers"

"Wonderful Smith — Court Clerk"

"Murphy Dunne — Stenographer"