"Carl Reiner's "Oh, God!" is a treasure of a movie: A sly, civilized, quietly funny speculation on what might happen if God endeavored to present himself in the flesh yet once again to forgetful Man. He comes back this time looking and talking a great deal like George Burns, an improvement on his earlier cinematic incarnations. And as his contact on Earth, he selects a common man—John Denver, to the manner born."

"Suppose—Just Suppose—God Told You To Spread The Word?"

"It's an almighty laugh!"

"Anybody who could turn Lot's wife into a pillar of salt, incinerate Sodom and Gomorrah and make it rain for forty days and forty nights has got to be a fun guy."

""It's true. People have trouble remembering My Words. Moses had such a bad memory I had to give him tablets"."

"I went to empty the garbage and two people blessed me. And then one of them blessed the garbage. And then he asked me if our children were conceived immaculately."

"Your Honour, I would like to call to the stand the Lord God."

"Oh, uh…I-I-I-I'm-I must have drove through, uh, a car wash wi-with my windows open?"

"I know how hard it is in these times to have faith. But maybe if you could have the faith to start with, maybe the times would change. You could change them. Think about it. Try. And try not to hurt each other. There's been enough of that. It really gets in the way. I'm a God of very few words and Jerry's already given you Mine. However hopeless, helpless, mixed up and scary it all gets, it can work."

"If you find it hard to believe in Me, maybe it would help you to know that I believe in you."

"Put down that man—and women persons—their existence means exactly and precisely, not more, not one tiny bit less, just what they think it means, and what I think doesn't count at all."

"Jesus was My son. Buddha was My son. Muhammad, Moses, you, the man who said there was no room at the inn was My son."

"I'll tell ya something never came out: I made Adam seventeen. Eve was fifteen—sixteen, tops. I figured then sixteen, seventeen was middle aged, you know. Who knew people would live so long? Trees I figured had the best chance. Now I realise they were kids—babies. Young people can't fall from my grace; they're my best things. Put that down."

"I only know what is. Also, I'm very big on what was. On what isn't yet, I haven't got a clue."

"I don't do miracles. They're too flashy. And they upset the natural balance. … The last miracle I did was the 1969 Mets. Before that, I think you have to go back to the Red Sea. That was a beauty."

"It's a policy of Mine: I try not to work with more than one saviour at a time."

"Trust Me, like it says on the money."

"Neva Patterson - Gretchen"

"How dare you say 'penis' to a dead person."

"[On finding her soul inside Roger Cobb's body] I don't believe this. I can't even die right."

"You are rude, crude, and thoroughly unattractive."

"[To his girlfriend] You bought me a gravestone for my thirty-eighth birthday?!"

"[To his dog] Don't look at me like that. I'm not going in there as a messenger boy; I'm a trained legal advisor. No more being looked down on by people who think they're better than I am because they're rich. From now on, I'm gonna be respected... by people who think they're better than I am because they're rich."

"Is everyone here bananas?"

"[After Edwina has called him a 'peasant'] Look, lady. Just because my grandfather didn't rape the environment and exploit the workers doesn't make me a peasant. And it's not that he didn't want to rape the environment and exploit the workers; I'm sure he did. It's just that as a barber, he didn't have that much opportunity."

"[To Edwina] You're like an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people and take the fun out of being a lawyer."

"[Regarding the empty church at Edwina's memorial] You really know how to pack them in."

"The comedy that proves that one's a crowd."

"They say that behind every great man there's a woman. But in this case it's ridiculous."

"Steve Martin - Roger Cobb"

"Lily Tomlin - Edwina Cutwater"

"Victoria Tennant - Terry Hoskins"

"Madolyn Smith Osborne - Peggy Schuyler"

"Richard Libertini - Prahka Lasa"