"Alexander Pearce has $744,000,000 in illegal assets. That given he is a British subject we might seize. This operation so far has cost me $8,000,000."

"(to Elise) You are the least down to earth person I've ever met."

"(to Elise) Would you rather have me smoking for real?"

"Alexander Pearce has a new face."

"What made Pearce think he could take on a guy like that? (Shaw)"

"Why is everyone trying to kill me?!"

"(Alexander's letter to Elise) Elise, you have no reason to trust me anymore, but give me a chance to explain myself. I know the police are watching you. We have to throw them off the trail. Board the eight-twenty-two, the Gare de Lyon. Pick someone my height and build and make them believe it is me. Burn this letter. It is important you follow my instructions precisely. I love you, Alexander."

"Renato Scarpa - Arturo, a tailor"

"(about Frank to Shaw) This man is a tourist!"

"(to his henchmen) You know he will be with her. They'll be staying at one of the grand hotels. The Gritti, the Regina, the Danieli. I want you to keep a watch on all of them. You can kill the girl, but you can't kill him. Not until I have my money that is."

"(to Frank) I would rather you be a man who did exactly as he pleased."

"JJ Elliott - Movie Goer"

"Tina Cerato - Movie Goer"

"Trenna Keating - Nancy"

"Ashley Scott - Janice"

"Amy Matysio - Darla"

"Barry Flatman - Mr. Palamino"

"Ty Olsson - Tim"

"Maria Arcé - Athena"

"Fred Ewanuick - Clark"

"Stephen Root - KC"

"Todd Lewis - Kyle"

"Julie Hagerty - Carol Brander"

"Some friends are just friends. Others you get to see naked."

"Moments like this have been ruining friendships for centuries."

"Two Words A Guy Never Wants To Hear"

"Clark: [about Chris and Jamie] Are you guys on the same menstrual cycle yet, or what?"

"You’ll always be fat to me, Chris!"

"I mean, listen, I know it might sound a little corny, maybe even a little femme, but I find something so resplendent in the simplicity of Nicholas Sparks' writing, you know what I mean? [Looks at Chris's completely feminine Christmas sweater] Nice outfit, by the way. Rock and roll."

"He loves her. She loves him not."

"Mr. Palamino: How did you lose all that weight? Like that retard from Subway?"

"[singing and playing guitar] Forgiveness, is more than saying sorry. To forgive is divine. So let's have a glass of wine. And have make-up sex until the end of time, time, time, time, timmmmmmeee! Time."

"[to Chris] You and I are gonna be the greatest musical manager team since Jessica Simpson and her father only you and I get to "mreow" and they can't, 'cause it's illegal. I looked it up."

"Wait a minute, am I being Punk'D? Oh my god! Ashton, you really got me! Ha Ha! Ashton! Ashton?"

"So that's why she went with Dusty. She wants a sensitive guy... more like the old me. Well, if she wants Mr. Rogers, then I'm going to show her the biggest pussy she's ever seen."

"Raise your hand if your brother's a homo!"

"Ryan Reynolds - Chris Brander"

"Anna Faris - Samantha James"

"Amy Smart - Jamie Palamino"

"Chris Klein - Dusty Lee Dinkleman"

"Christopher Marquette - Mike Brander"

"Stefanie Scott - Young Emma"

"Dylan Hayes - Young Adam"

"Ophelia Lovibond - Vanessa, Alvin's girlfriend"

"Guy Branum - Guy, Emma's friend"

"Ben Lawson - Sam, a co-worker of Emma, that likes her"

"Talia Balsam - Sandra Kurtzman, Emma and Katie's mother"

"Jennifer Irwin - Megan, Adam's boss"

"Jake Johnson - Eli, Adam's friend"