"[to Molly] I'm going to qualify for the U.S. Open and kick your boyfriend's ass. Whatever you think of me, you should know he hates old people, children, and dogs."

"Way I'm swinging today, nothing bugs me except insufficient applause."

"You know someone once said that golf and sex are the only two things you don't have to be good at to enjoy."

"Well, what the hell? You ride her until she bucks you or don't ride at all."

"I can always tell when someone's lying to himself. But I am quite susceptible and frequently wrong when that person lies to me!"

"Why do men always insist on measuring their dicks?"

"I find him... mildly attractive when he's obnoxious and arrogant like this."

"Look, boss, I only got one rule. And that's never bet money that you don't have on a dog race with an ex-girlfriend who happens to be a stripper."

"[to Roy] You won't listen to me, will you? Even when I'm trying to help you, man. After all these years you think I'm full of shit?"

"[to Roy] You're a head case. You always have been, always will be."

"Clint: [about Molly] How can such a pretty girl have such an ugly swing."

"Earl: [about Roy] The word normal and him don't often collide in the same sentence."

"David Simms: Can you people not see that I'm busy? I'm working. This is my office. Do I come to your office and ask for an autograph? I don't think so. Jesus. What an ugly dog."

"Jim Nantz: Unbelievable. McAvoy has done it. You just saw the greatest round in U.S. Open history. The all-time lowest round in a major doesn't belong to a Jack Nicklaus or an Arnold Palmer, Hogan, Nelson or Snead. It's been shot by the most improbable artist of all. Roy McAvoy has his signature on golf's all-time masterpiece round."

"Doreen: [to Molly] You're not one of those women who tries to fix men, I hope. I mean, men cannot be fixed, and especially him."

"Kevin Costner - Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy"

"Rene Russo - Dr. Molly Griswold"

"Don Johnson - David Simms"

"Cheech Marin - Romeo Posar"

"Linda Hart - Doreen"

"Dennis Burkley - Earl"

"Rex Linn - Dewey"

"Lou Myers - Clint"

"Richard Lineback - Curt"

"George Perez - Jose"

"Mickey Jones - Turk"

"Michael Milhoan - Boone"

"The early bird gets the worm"

"Easy peasy lemon squeasy."

"Read it, roll it, hole it"

"There are only two types of player—those who keep their nerves under control and win championships, and those who do not."

"Let me tell you something. I came here to win a trophy. And on the face of it Ted Ray or I should carry it off. Not for you, not for England, but for sheer bloody pride at being the best, *that's* why we do this. And if Mr. Ouimet wins tomorrow, it's because he's the best, because of who he is. Not who his father was, not how much money he's got, because of who he bloody is! And I'll thank you to remember that. And I'll thank you to show the respect a gentleman gives as a matter of course."

"Okey dokey pipey smokey"

"Lee Trevino — Himself"

"Joe Flaherty — Donald"

"Richard Kiel — Mr. Larson"

"Bob Barker — Himself"

"Allen Covert — Otto"

"Carl Weathers — Derick "Chubbs" Peterson"

"Frances Bay — Grandma"

"Julie Bowen — Virginia Venit"

"Christopher McDonald — Shooter McGavin"

"Adam Sandler — Happy Gilmore"

"He doesn't play golf... he destroys it."

"Ben Stiller (uncredited) — Hal L."

"Verne Lundquist — Himself"

"Dennis Dugan — Doug"

"License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill you must know your enemy, and in this case, my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will not quit, ever. They're like the Viet Cong. Varmint Cong. So what you gotta do is, you gotta fall back on superior firepower, and superior intelligence. And that's all she wrote."

"[standing in an ornamental flowerbed] What an incredible Cinderella story! This unknown, comes out of nowhere, to lead the pack at Augusta. He's at the final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2-iron, I think. [swings, pulverizes a flower] Oh, he got all of that. The crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta. The normally reserved Augusta crowd is going wild... [pauses] for this young Cinderella who's come out of nowhere. He's got about 350 yards left, he's going to hit about a 5-iron, it looks like, don't you think? He's got a beautiful backswing... [swings, pulverizes another flower] that's- oh, he got all of that one! He's gotta be pleased with that! The crowd is just on its feet here. He's a Cinderella boy. Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He's got about 195 yards left, and he's got a, looks like he's got about an 8-iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent... Cinderella story, out of nowhere, former greenskeeper, now about to become the Masters champion. [swings, pulverizes yet another flower] It looks like a mirac- it's in the hole! It's in the hole!"

"[impatiently waits for Danny's final putt] WELL? WE'RE WAITING."