"[calmly] We messed up big time on Sunday. I had sponsors in the stands and I'm huggin' and holdin' hands and kissin' em in the ears and prayin' for a good showin'. And what do we do? [shouting] We end up lookin' like a monkey fuckin' a football out there!"

"Drivers can't stand to be reminded of what can happen to 'em in a racecar. They, they don't go to hospitals, they don't go to funerals. You get a driver to a funeral before he's actually dead, you've made history, darlin'."

"[talking to a race-car chassis] I'm gonna give you an engine, low to the ground... extra thick oil pan that'll cut the wind from underneath ya, see. It'll give you thirty or forty more horsepower. I'm gonna give you a fuel line that'll hold an extra gallon of gas. I'm gonna shave half an inch off you and shape you like a bullet. I'll get you primed, painted and weighed, and you'll be ready to go out on that racetrack. You hear me? You're gonna be perfect."

"Earl: [about Roy] The word normal and him don't often collide in the same sentence."

"David Simms: Can you people not see that I'm busy? I'm working. This is my office. Do I come to your office and ask for an autograph? I don't think so. Jesus. What an ugly dog."

"Clint: [about Molly] How can such a pretty girl have such an ugly swing."

"[to Roy] You won't listen to me, will you? Even when I'm trying to help you, man. After all these years you think I'm full of shit?"

"[to Roy] You're a head case. You always have been, always will be."

"Look, boss, I only got one rule. And that's never bet money that you don't have on a dog race with an ex-girlfriend who happens to be a stripper."

"TV Director: Another driving range pro, it's all we needed. It's heroes that I need. Not obscure driving range pros."

"I can always tell when someone's lying to himself. But I am quite susceptible and frequently wrong when that person lies to me!"

"Why do men always insist on measuring their dicks?"

"Well, what the hell? You ride her until she bucks you or don't ride at all."

"Way I'm swinging today, nothing bugs me except insufficient applause."

"Jim Nantz: Unbelievable. McAvoy has done it. You just saw the greatest round in U.S. Open history. The all-time lowest round in a major doesn't belong to a Jack Nicklaus or an Arnold Palmer, Hogan, Nelson or Snead. It's been shot by the most improbable artist of all. Roy McAvoy has his signature on golf's all-time masterpiece round."

"You know someone once said that golf and sex are the only two things you don't have to be good at to enjoy."

"[to Molly] I'm going to qualify for the U.S. Open and kick your boyfriend's ass. Whatever you think of me, you should know he hates old people, children, and dogs."

"I find him... mildly attractive when he's obnoxious and arrogant like this."

"[to Molly] "Fuck." "Shit." These are highly technical golf terms; You're using them on your first lesson. This is promising."

"Does my inner child need a spanking?"

"George Perez - Jose"

"Richard Lineback - Curt"

"Mickey Jones - Turk"

"Rex Linn - Dewey"

"Dennis Burkley - Earl"

"Lou Myers - Clint"

"Michael Milhoan - Boone"

"Don Johnson - David Simms"

"Rene Russo - Dr. Molly Griswold"

"Cheech Marin - Romeo Posar"

"Doreen: [to Molly] You're not one of those women who tries to fix men, I hope. I mean, men cannot be fixed, and especially him."

"[to Boone, who doesn't want to wager against Roy's car] That's because you think of it as transportation, Boone. Think of it as bragging rights. Think of yourself sitting around the bar, crowing to your cronies about the Cadillac you won from me. They'll forget all about the Winnebago you lost to me."

"Kevin Costner - Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy"

"Linda Hart - Doreen"

"[Getting thrown out of Ricky's school] You people are in the wrong on this one! So in the wrong! This is egregious! You hear me? Egregious!"

"If you ain't first, you're last!"

"We go together like cocaine and waffles."

"Don't make me bring the darkness. [pulls out taser]"

"We go together like square dancin' and handguns. Right?"

"We go together like campin' trips and head lice."

"We go together like tuna fish and cigarettes."

"We go together like pigs and swimmin'."

"I'm just sayin' we click, you know? We're like skateboardin' and freeway ramps."

"We go together like suits of armor and electrical storms."

"We go together like Easter mornin' and Lyme Disease."

"I like to think of Jesus like a shapeshifter, or a changeling, like that guy--You ever hear of that TV show Manimal?"