"You say you think I'm smart, but you're talking to me like I'm a caveman. I wouldn't date you if I didn't see value. I'm not like my brother; I'm not looking for the nicest, prettiest rich girl who likes me back. I'm looking for someone who understands the game, how the world works. I'm looking for someone I respect. And trust. Someone who knows more than me. I don't want to date you for your material assets... though I think you're underselling them by a significant margin. Material assets are cheap, they don't last. I want to be with yoh for your intangible assets. Those are good investments. They don't degrade. They only get sharper."

"Pedro Pascal — Harry Castillo"

"James Murray - John Sims"

"[singing to the ukelele] Wife and I are happy And everything is swell; It's heavenly inside our flat But outside it is El!"

"Bert Roach - Bert"

"When John was twenty-one he became one of the seven million that believe New York depends on them."

"Estelle Clark - Jane"

"Eleanor Boardman - Mary Sims"

"Johnny Sims reached the age of twelve. He recited poetry, played piano and sang in a choir....so did Lincoln and Washington!"

"Alice Mildred Puter - daughter"

"Flapper: [to John] Oh, Gee, Baby! How did the angels ever let you leave Heaven?"

"Dell Henderson - Dick"

"Take it from me, marriage isn't a word....it's a sentence!"

"Stranger: [on the NYC ferry] You've gotta be good in that town if you want to beat the crowd."

"When Life Beats You Down to Your Knees -See How to Fight Back and WIN!"

"The Story of You and I, the man next door, told with a sweep of drama Magnificent and Amazing."

"During the next five years two eventful things happened to the Simses. A baby sister was born....and John received an $8 raise."

"We do not know how big the crowd is, and what opposition it is....until we get out of step with it."

"Look at that crowd! The poor boobs....all in the same rut!"

"Freddie Burke Frederick - "Junior""

"A powerful drama of modern marriage- a marriage that goes smash, and how it is saved. See yourself in "THE CROWD.""

"[laughing at a juggling clown] The poor sap! And I bet his father thought he would be President!"

"Lucy Beaumont - Mary's mother"

"Daniel G. Tomlinson - Jim"

"Child-rearing around the world boasts a wide variety of customs and mores. But perhaps the most bizarre social patterns can be found within the small island community of Manhattan... The inhabitants of the region known as the Upper East Side have the most prosperous, yet idiosyncratic social systems on the planet. After successfully mating and producing offspring, the men are often distant and uninvolved, leaving their women to hunt, gather and provide for their families. Yet the resourceful mothers of the Upper East Side have plenty of time to participate in a variety of sex-role specific activities. These include body mutilation, sacred meditation, even fasting rituals. Which brings us to our focus on child-rearing: Who actually does it? Well, in Africa, they have a saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." But for the tribe of the Upper East Side, it takes just one person: the Nanny."

"Scarlett Johansson as Annie "Nanny" Braddock"

"You want to know about the dads? I'll tell you about the dads. They're chubby, bald, steak-eating, cigar-smoking, type-A pigs who get more turned on by the Bloomberg Wire than they do by any hot nannies. Actually, it's all of you in about 5 years. So take it from me, guys: Enjoy tonight, because your future looks pretty fucking bleak."

"My desire to be an observer of life was actually keeping me from having one."

"Laura Linney as Mrs. Alexandra X"

"Alicia Keys as Lynette"

"There's a common belief among anthropologists that you must immerse yourself in an unfamiliar world in order to truly understand your own."

"Brande Roderick as Tanya"

"Nina Garbiras as Miss Chicago"

"Heather Simms as Murnel"

"Julie White as Jane Gould"

"Nate Corddry as Calvin"

"Donna Murphy as Judy Braddock"

"Nicholas Reese Art as Grayer Addison X"

"Chris Evans as Hayden "Harvard Hottie""

"Judith Roberts as Milicent"

"Paul Giamatti as Mr. Stan X"

"One of our security guards actually tried to frisk me. We're having drinks later."

"Wear a tie for the interview. And promise me you won't torpedo it on purpose, okay?"

"[A very pregnant Martha struggles in the morning] Bladder control, you don't miss it until it's gone."

"[Reading in a dictionary] Deadline: A date or time before which something must be done."

"Sometimes you can just smell a horrendously shitty day on the way, can't you?"

"Don't ask marital advice from a guy with two ex-wives and a daughter who won't speak to me."

"Well, you're in management now. If everybody loved you, you'd be doing something wrong."