First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Rebel Wilson - Brynn"
"Melissa McCarthy - Megan Price"
"Wendi McLendon-Covey - Rita"
"Ellie Kemper - Becca"
"Rose Byrne - Helen Harris III"
"Kristen Wiig - Annie Walker"
"Chris O'Dowd - Officer Rhodes"
"Maya Rudolph - Lillian Donovan"
"Do you want to tell a cop about it? We're just like priests except we would tell everybody afterwards."
"You're really doing it, aren't ya? You're shitting in the street!"
"It's coming out of me like lava!"
"This is some classy sh-... [burp] I want to apologize. I'm not even confident on which end that came out of."
"Andy Buckley - Perry Harris"
"Jill Clayburgh - Annie's mother"
"I don't associate with people who blame the world for their problems. You are your problem. You are also your solution."
"[to Annie, after sex] This is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick."
"Jessica St. Clair - Whitney"
"Melanie Hutsell - Carol"
"Michael Hitchcock - Don"
"Tim Heidecker - Doug Price"
"Crazy wedding organizer."
"(Talking to his wife Gail and daughter Marni about their behavior that ruined the wedding reception) I'm very disappointed with the behavior I saw tonight. Now, I don't pretend to have the slightest clue about how things work in the girl world. To be perfectly honest, it frightens and confuses me. But here's what I do know: A wedding is a time for a family to come together. But, for whatever reason, this wedding is tearing our family apart. Will is missing! Ramona's out searching the streets for Joanna. This weekend is a disaster! And I, for one, have had it. You two are completely out of control. (Gail and Marni attempt to protest, but are cut off) But nothing! You're grounded. Go to your rooms."
"Molly Ringwald - Betsy"
"Ally Sheedy - Connie"
"Madeline Kahn - Lola Hopper"
"Joe Pesci - Oscar"
"Anthony LaPaglia - Stevie Dee"
"Catherine O'Hara - Gloria"
"Burt Young - Georgie"
"Joey Bishop - Eddie's father"
"Dylan Walsh - Jake Lovell"
"I'm gonna give you a little advice about life. You follow this and you won't be sorry. "Don't screw with your brains, don't think with your dick." That's from the heart."
"[romantically] Oh, Oscar... go fuck yourself!"
"Larry Block - Barber"
"I could be whatever you need. I could do anything for the woman I love. I believe in saying what you feel. You are the blood in my veins, I would walk through fire for you. I will always be available, I belong to you."
"You pushed me through the tent? Through the tent you pushed me?"
"The wedding picture doesn't always tell the whole story."
"Alan Alda - Eddie Hopper"
"[to Stevie Dee] I'm a cop, and you're... not."
"Bert: Girl asks you to dance, you dance."
"Massimo: You need to learn the patience. Love can't always be perfect. Love is just love."
"Massimo: You long for him the way I long for you."
"Oh, of course. Krazy Glue. Why didn't I bring the Krazy Glue, in case his pecker fell off?"
"Geri: Pierre, I love you, but if you use another carnation in my bouquet I will deport you. Muah."
"What if what I think is great, really is great... but it's not as great, as something greater?"
"You are exquisite. You're timeless. And you have the love of a man named Steve. A man who, while you were away having meetings about mozzarella, said to me: 'I can't believe she picked me. I can't believe I'm marrying the most incredible woman I've ever met.' So that tells me that this marriage of yours is not only gonna work, it's gonna last forever."
"I had to go through your wallet to get your identification. And you know what I must say, I've ever met anyone who alphabetized her credit cards before."
"Those who can’t do, teach. Those who can’t wed, plan."
"Penny: Oh no! Darn it, I just remembered that I... I promised my friend's brother's godmother that I would help her um change her fax cartridge tonight... because she's going out of town tomorrow... on an African safari!"
"You saved... my shoe. M-my life."