"[after looking at divorce papers] I better have my lawyer take a look at these. I'm just a simple country boy. There's all kinds of big words in here I can't even pronounce. Hell, you might be takin' me to the cleaners for all I know. [Melanie: The cleaners—you?]"

"Honey, just 'cause I talk slow don't mean I'm stupid."

"[about the divorce papers Melanie wants him to sign] The only reason I ain't signin’ is cause you've turned into some hoity toity Yankee bitch and I'd like nothin’ better right now than to piss you off."

"[final line] Hey, Stella! Make it a slow one."

"[after leaving Andrew at the altar as a thunderstorm is approaching] Hey, y'all! If you're friends of the bride, stick around! I'm gonna go find me a groom!"

"Well for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce."

"[Seeing her father in his Confederate uniform, leaving to go to 'battle'] "People need a passport to come down here.""

"[On seeing her father in his Confederate uniform] Christ Almighty, Daddy, how am I gonna explain you in New York?"

"[After punching Kate] Nobody talks to my mama like that! [Earl Smooter: Praise the Lord, the South has risen again!]"

"You're the first boy I ever kissed, Jake, and I want you to be the last."

"The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back."

"[Drunk, at the bar] Oh Bobby Ray....why don't you just go to a gay bar. [Eldon: What would B-Ray do at a gay bar?]"

"Melanie Lynskey - Lurlynn, Melanie's best friend"

"You dumb stubborn redneck hick."

"[to Lurlynn] Look at you, you have a baby... In a bar. [Lurlynn: Hell, I got 3 more at home! This one’s still on the tit, so I can cart him anywhere.]"

"Like I could tip a cow BY MYSELF!"

"Dakota Fanning - Young Melanie"

"Thomas Curtis - Young Jake"

"Nathan Lee Graham - Frederick Montana"

"Rhona Mitra - Tabatha Wadmore-Smith, Melanie's best friend from New York"

"Mary Lynn Rajskub - Dorothea"

"Courtney Gains - Wade"

"Well, you must be Jake's hot date. I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty Yankee bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce even though I'm engaged to another man."

"Ethan Embry - Bobby Ray Bailey"

"Jean Smart - Stella Kay"

"Fred Ward - Earl Smooter"

"Mary Kay Place - Pearl Smooter"

"Candice Bergen - Mayor Kate Hennings"

"Patrick Dempsey - Andrew Hennings"

"Josh Lucas - Jake Perry"

"Reese Witherspoon - Melanie Smooter/Carmichael"

"Fall... in love."

"Sometimes What You're Looking for Is Right Where You Left It."

"Pearl: How many times does your only daughter get married? [awkward pause] Well, other than the other time."

"Andrew: You married your cousin?"

"[after Melanie punches Kate] Praise the Lord, the South has risen again!"

"I'm a cocksman!"

"Proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me."

"I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup. I love maple syrup! I love it on pancakes, I love it on pizza! I love to take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?"

"Give me a break! That was my first Asian!"

"Yeah that, or it could have been the midnight rape, or the nude gay art show that took place in my room last night."

"The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me."

"Lock it up!"

"It feels so good when he jokes."

"I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you. And you want to know what? I dig it."

"I was first-team All-State. I can put the ball wherever I want to. I'll make it rain out here."

"There he is, the big guy!"

"I'm a little too traumatized to enjoy a scone right now."

"I don’t think that you’re appreciating the urgency here. Not only is she a virgin, she’s totally off the reservation. I’m terrified of this broad."

"Did you hear what I just said to you? Stage five? Virgin? Clinger? Let’s go, I’m gonna start the car, I’m serious, let’s go."