English Novels

"There were unlimited supplies of no answer at all."

"Nothing’s louder than the end of a song that’s always been there."

"“You’d better tell me what you know, toad,” said Tiffany. “Miss Tick isn’t here. I am.” “Another world is colliding with this one,” said the toad. “There. Happy now? That’s what Miss Tick thinks. But it’s happening faster than she expected. All the monsters are coming back.” “Why?” “There’s no one to stop them.” There was silence for a moment. “There’s me,” said Tiffany."

"She tried to pretend she hadn’t thought that, but she was treacherously good at spotting when she was lying. That’s the trouble with a brain—it thinks more than you sometimes want it to."

"“We are a famously stealin’ folk. Aren’t we, lads? Whut’s it we’re famous for?” “Stealin’!” shouted the blue men. “And what else, lads?” “Fightin’!” “And what else?” “Drinkin’!” “And what else?” There was a certain amount of thought about this, but they all reached the same conclusion. “Drinkin’ and fightin’!” “And there was summat else,” muttered the twiddler. “Ach, yes. Tell the hag, lads!” “Stealin’ an’ drinkin’ an’ fightin’!” shouted the blue men cheerfully. “Tell the wee hag who we are, lads,” said the helmet twiddler. There was the scrape of many small swords being drawn and thrust into the air. “Nac Mac Feegle! The Wee Free Men! Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willna be fooled again!”"

"“They think written words are even more powerful,” whispered the toad. “They think all writing is magic. Words worry them. See their swords? They glow blue in the presence of lawyers.”"

"Somehow I don’t think the Baron would have a clue how to deal with this. I don’t, either, but I think I can be clueless in more sensible ways."

"“Ye hae a besom?” “Broomstick,” murmured the toad. “Er, no,” said Tiffany. “The important thing about magic,” she added haughtily, “is to know when not to use it.”"

"It’s amazing what a child who is quiet and observant can learn, and this includes things people don’t think she is old enough to know."

"“Aye. Ye did well, lassie.” Tiffany shook her head. “No, I didn’t,” she said. “I didn’t do any real magic. I don’t know how. I just looked at things and worked them out. It was cheating, really.” The pictsies looked at one another. “Ah, weel,” said Rob Anybody. “What’s magic, eh? Just waving’ a stick an’ sayin’ a few wee magical words. An’ what’s so clever aboot that, eh? But lookin’ at things, really lookin’ at ’em, and then workin’ ’em oout, now, that’s a real skill.” “Aye, it is,” said William the gonnagle, to Tiffany’s surprise. “Ye used yer eyes and used yer heid. That’s what a real hag does. The magicking is just there for advertisin’.”"

"Rob Anybody made a noise in his throat. It sounded like a voice that was trying to say aye but was being argued with by a brain that knew the answer was no."

"Live in dreams for too long and ye go mad—ye can never wake up prop’ly, ye can never get the hang o’ reality again."

"Them as can do has to do for them as can’t. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices."

"Her Second Thoughts added: I wonder how many have got in already and we don’t know? And I am in Fairyland, where dreams can hurt. Somewhere all stories are real, all songs are true. I thought that was a strange thing for the kelda to say.… Tiffany’s Second Thoughts said: Hang on, was that a First Thought? And Tiffany thought: No, that was a Third Thought. I’m thinking about how I think about what I’m thinking. At least, I think so. Her Second Thoughts said: Let’s all calm down, please, because this is quite a small head."

"“He came back?” said Tiffany, astonished. “He said it was better to belong where you don’t belong than not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there,” said Roland. “At least, I think that’s what he said.”"

"“Nae kiddin’? Then it’s a picture on the outside, and it’s real on the inside.” Rob nodded. “Ye ken, we’ve been robbin’ and running aroound on all kinds o’ worlds for a lang time, and I’ll tell ye this: The universe is a lot more comp-li-cated than it looks from the ooutside.”"

"The anger rose up, joyfully. “Yes! I’m me! I am careful and logical and I look up things I don’t understand! When I hear people use the wrong words, I get edgy! I am good with cheese. I read books fast! I think! And I always have a piece of string! That’s the kind of person I am!”"

"The sea was calm. It was peaceful. It was exactly the moment anyone sensible should distrust. But nothing happened. It was followed by nothing else happening."

"“And you won’t get lost or—or drunk or anything?” Rob anybody looked offended. “We ne’er get lost!” he said. “We always ken where we are! It’s just sometimes mebbe we aren’t sure where everything else is, but it’s no’ our fault if everything else gets lost! The Nac Mac Feegle are never lost!”"

"An’ things ha’ come to a pretty pass, ye ken, if people are going to leave stuff like that around where innocent people could accidentally smashed the door doon and lever the bars aside and take the big chain off ‘f the cupboard and pick the lock and drink it!"

"Overhead the storm still raged. But she felt warm. In fact, she felt hot, red-hot with anger…anger at the bruised turf, anger at her own stupidity, anger at this beautiful creature whose only talent was control. This…creature was trying to take her world. All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine! I have a duty!"

"“Hey, they’re sweatin’,” said Rob Anybody. “You mean we could have lawyers on oour side as well?” “Yes, of course,” said the toad. “You can have defense lawyers.” “Defense?” said Rob Anybody. “Are you tellin’ me we could get awa’ wi’ it ’cause of a tishoo o’ lies?” “Certainly,” said the toad. “And with all the treasure you’ve stolen, you can pay enough to be very innocent indeed.”"

"She opened her eyes and then, somewhere inside, opened her eyes again. She heard the grass growing, and the sound of worms below the turf. She could feel the thousands of little lives around her, smell all the scents on the breeze, and see all the shades of the night. The wheel of stars and years, of space and time, locked into place. She knew exactly where she was, and who she was, and what she was. She swung a hand. The Queen tried to stop her, but she might as well have tried to stop a wheel of years. Tiffany’s hand caught her face and knocked her off her feet. “Now I know why I never cried for Granny,” she said. “She has never left me.” She leaned down, and centuries bent with her. “The secret is not to dream,” she whispered. “The secret is to wake up. Waking up is harder. I have woken up and I am real. I know where I come from and I know where I’m going. You cannot fool me anymore. Or touch me. Or anything that is mine.” I’ll never be like this again, she thought, as she saw the terror in the Queen’s face. I’ll never again feel as tall as the sky and as old as the hills and as strong as the sea. I’ve been given something for a while, and the price of it is that I have to give it back. And the reward is giving it back, too. No human could live like this. You could spend a day looking at a flower to see how wonderful it is, and that wouldn’t get the milking done. No wonder we dream our way through our lives. To be awake, and see it all as it really is…no one could stand that for long. She took a deep breath and picked the Queen up. She was aware of things happening, of dreams roaring around her, but they didn’t affect her. She was real and she was awake, more aware than she’d ever been. She had to concentrate even to think against the storm of sensations pouring into her mind."

"“It’s all right. I worked it out. This is the school, isn’t it? The magic place? The world. Here. And you don’t realize it until you look. Do you know the pictsies think this world is heaven? We just don’t look. You can’t give lessons on witchcraft. Not properly. It’s all about how you are...you, I suppose.” “Nicely said,” said Mistress Weatherwax. “You’re sharp. But there’s magic, too. You’ll pick that up. It don’t take much intelligence, otherwise wizards wouldn’t be able to do it.”"

"“And what do you really do?” said Tiffany. The thin witch hesitated for a moment, and then: “We look to...the edges,” said Mistress Weatherwax. “There’s a lot of edges, more than people know. Between life and death, this world and the next, night and day, right and wrong...an’ they need watchin’. We watch ’em, we guard the sum of things. And we never ask for any reward. That’s important.”"

"“The thing about witchcraft,” said Mistress Weatherwax, “is that it’s not like school at all. First you get the test, and then afterward you spend years findin’ out how you passed it. It’s a bit like life in that respect.”"

"The old ladies who spent their days glowering from their windows might spy and peeve and mumble, but they had been doing that for too long. No one listened anymore. (p. 3)"

"The cart would have to stop there for the night, but the place was one of those nowhere villages that existed only in order to avoid the embarrassment of having large empty spaces on the map. (p. 4)"

"It was said to be a wonder of the world, except that very few people around here wondered ever wondered much about anything and were barely aware of the world. (p. 5)"

"There was always a war. Usually they were border disputes, the national equivalent of complaining that the neighbor was letting their hedge grow too long. Sometimes they were bigger. Borogravia was a peace-loving country in the midst of treacherous, devious, warlike enemies. They had to be treacherous, devious, and warlike, otherwise we wouldn’t be fighting them, eh? There was always a war. (p. 6)"

"The word “fat” could not honestly be applied to him, not when the word “gross” was lumbering forward to catch your attention. He was one of those people who didn’t have a waist. He had an equator. He had gravity. (p. 7)"

"I read your report. Do you think it’s possible for an entire nation to be insane? (p. 12)"

"Look, you know what I mean. You take a bunch of people who don’t seem any different from you and me, but when you add them all together you get this sort of huge raving maniac with national borders and an anthem. (p. 12)"

"He’s dead. However, credit where it’s due, he hasn’t let that stop him. (p. 14)"

"“The color blue?” “Correct, sir.” “What’s abominable about the color blue? It’s just a color! The sky is blue!” “Yes, sir. Devout Nugganites try not to look at it these days. Um…” Chinny had been trained as a diplomat. Some things he didn’t like to say directly. “Nuggan, sir...um...is rather...tetchy,” he managed. “Tetchy,” said Vimes? “A tetchy god? What, he complains about the noise their kids make? Objects to loud music after nine P.M.?” (p. 16)"

"“You mean Nuggan objects to dwarfs, cats and the color blue and there’re more insane commandments?” Chinny coughed politely. “All right, then,” growled Vimes. “More extreme commandments?” “Oysters, sir. He doesn’t like them. But that’s not a problem because no one there has ever seen an oyster. Oh, and babies. He Abominated them, too.” “I take it people still make them here?” “Oh, yes, Your Gr— I’m sorry. Yes, sir. But they feel guilty about it. Barking dogs, that was another one. Shirts with six buttons, too. And cheese. Er…people just sort of, er, avoid the trickier ones. Even the priests seem to have given up trying to explain them.” “Yes, I think I can see why. So what we have here is a country that tries to run itself on the commandments of a god who, the people feel, may be wearing his underpants on his head. Has he Abominated underpants?” “No, sir, Chinny sighed. “But it’s probably only a matter of time.” (p. 17)"

"“Oh, well, the interests of Ankh-Morpork are the interests of all money-lov—oops, sorry, all freedom-loving people everywhere,” said Vimes. (p. 19)"

"Most of the vampire families were highly nobby. You never knew who was connected to who...not just to who, in fact, but to whom. “Whoms” were likely to be far more trouble than your common, everyday “who.” (p. 22)"

"Paul had wanted medals, because they were shiny. That’d been almost a year ago, when any recruiting party that came past went away with the best part of a battalion, and there had been people waving them off with flags and music. Sometimes, now, smaller parties of men came back. The lucky ones were missing only one arm or one leg. There were no flags. (p. 31)"

"She unfolded the other piece of paper. It was a pamphlet. It was headed “From the Mothers of Borogravia!!” The mothers of Borogravia were very definite about wanting to send their sons off to war Against the Zlobenian Aggressor!! and used a great many exclamation points to say so. And this was odd, because the mothers in the town had not seemed keen on the idea of their sons going off to war, and positively tried to drag them back. Several copies of the pamphlet seemed to have reached every home, even so. It was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners. (pp. 31-32)"

"The four lesser apocalyptical horsemen of Panic, Bewilderment, Ignorance, and Shouting took control of the room. (p. 36)"

"“Ankh-Morpork is a godless city—” “I thought it had more than three hundred places of worship?” said Maladict. Strappi stared at him in a rage that was incoherent until he managed to touch bottom again. “Ankh-Morpork is a godawful city,” he said. (p. 49)"

"They buy you, they will you stop interrupting! What’s the good of me trying to teach you stuff if you’re going to keep on asking questions? (p. 49)"

"“Good, right, yes, I think I’ve got it, thank you,” said Maladict. “And what you’ve got there, my friend, is patriotism. My country, right or wrong.” “You should love your country,” said Shufti. “Okay, what part?” the voice of Tonker demanded, from the far corner of the tent. “The morning sunlight on the mountains? The horrible food? The damn mad Abominations? All of my country except whatever bit Strappi is standing on?” “But we are at war!” “Yes, that’s where they’ve got you,” sighed Polly. “Well, I’m not buying into it. It’s all trickery. They keep you down and when they piss off some other country, you have to fight for them! It’s only your country when they want you to get killed!” said Tonker. (pp. 51-52)"

"It was a terrible thing. Her mother had been a kind woman, or as kind as a devout woman could be while trying to keep up with the whims of Nuggan, and she’d died slowly and painfully, amid pictures of the Duchess and among the echoes of unanswered prayers, but that was the memory that crawled treacherously into Polly’s mind every time: the fury and the scolding. (p. 54)"

"“Are you saying I’m dishonest?” said the corporal hotly. “Let’s say I’m open to the idea that you might not be,” said the vampire. (p. 72)"

"“I’ve starved a few times. There’s no future in it. Ate a man’s leg when we were snowed up in the Ibblestarn campaign but, fair’s fair, he ate mine.” He looked at their faces. “Well, it’s not on, is it, eating your own leg? You’d probably go blind.” (p. 74)"

"“What’s a political?” “Like a spy, only on your own side,” said Maladict. (p. 75)"

"She entered. Lieutenant Blouse was standing in the middle of the floor in his breeches and shirtsleeves, holding a saber. Polly was no expert in these matters, but she thought she recognized the stylish, flamboyant pose as the one beginners tend to use just before they’re stabbed through the heart by a more experienced fighter. (p. 76)"

"“Er…what's that glass for, sir?” “It’s a monocle,” said the captain. “It helps me see you, for which I am eternally grateful. I always say that if I had two I’d make a spectacle of myself.” (p. 94)"