"I love you…I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the-the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is-is-is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But—I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't—I can't look into your eyes without feeling that—that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.And I know, this will probably queer our friendship—no pun intended—but I had to say it, 'cause I've never felt this way before, and I-I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But, God, I just—I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know, I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something, too. And all I ask, please, is that you just—you just not dismiss that, and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which—while I do appreciate it—I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of."

"Look, man, we miss this [train], and I am gonna shitcan you and just hire Charles Schulz."

"If this is a crush, I don't think I could take it if the real thing ever happened."

"It's not who you love, it's how."

"Catholic school girls. The uniform's what does it for me. I wish I had've went with more Catholic school girls when I was a kid. As it stands I have no, "And then she unzipped her jumper," stories."

"I'm telling you that chick is probably a bigger germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak!"

"I'm going to prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that Archie is all about pussy!"

"What difference does it make if I refer to her as a dyke? Or if I call the Whalers a bunch of faggots in the comfort of my own office, far from the sensitive ears of the rest of the world?"

"Archie is not fucking Mr. Weatherbee!"

"[to Alyssa] Since you like chicks, right, do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time?"

"I feel a hate crime coming on."

"All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin'."

"This is all going to end badly."

"Colin Firth - Lord Wessex"

"Geoffrey Rush - Philip Henslowe"

"Judi Dench - Queen Elizabeth"

"Gwyneth Paltrow - Viola De Lesseps"

"Joseph Fiennes - Will Shakespeare"

"Love is the only inspiration."

"A Comedy About the Greatest Love Story Almost Never Told..."

"[last lines] My story starts at sea... a perilous voyage to an unknown land... a shipwreck... The wild waters roar and heave... The brave vessel is dashed all to pieces, and all the helpless souls within her drowned... all save one... a lady... whose soul is greater than the ocean... and her spirit stronger than the sea's embrace... Not for her a watery end, but a new life beginning on a stranger shore. It will be a love story... for she will be my heroine for all time. And her name will be... Viola."

"You see? The comsumptives plot against me. "Will Shakespeare has a play, let us go and cough through it.""

"Love denied blights the soul we owe to God."

"Master Kent, as I foretold, Lord Wessex has lost his wife to the theater. Go, make your farewell, and send her out."

"[to Lord Wessex] Have her then, but you're a lordly fool. She's been plucked since I saw her last, and not by you... it takes a woman to know it."

"I know something of a woman in a man's profession. Yes, by God, I do know about that."

"Write me well."

"[to her Nurse] I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No... not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that overthrows life. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love - like there has never been in a play."

"I would stay asleep my whole life, if I could dream myself into a company of players."

"The Master of the Revels despises us all for vagrants and peddlers of bombast. But my father, James Burbage, had the first license to make a company of players from Her Majesty, and he drew from poets the literature of the age. We must show them that we are men of parts. Will Shakespeare has a play. I have a theatre. The Curtain is yours."

"I have always liked movies, and sometimes an image or a scene or a character stays with me for years and inspires me when I write. For example: the magic in Fanny and Alexander or the story within a story of Shakespeare in Love."

"Joe Roberts - John Webster"

"Nicholas Le Prevost - Sir Robert De Lesseps"

"Jill Baker - Lady De Lesseps"

"Imelda Staunton - Nurse"

"Simon Callow - Edmund Tylney"

"Sandra Reinton - Rosaline"

"Rupert Everett - Christopher Marlowe"

"Martin Clunes - Richard Burbage"

"Patrick Barlow - Will Kempe"

"Steven Beard - Makepeace"

"Tim McMullen - Frees"

"Steve O'Donnell - Lambert"

"Ben Affleck - Ned Alleyn"

"Tom Wilkinson - Hugh Fennyman"

"Why don't you go back to your double-wide and fry something?"

"Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten. I mean, where's the fun in that, right?"

"Since when does it have to be one or the other? You can have roots and wings, Mel."

"[after looking at divorce papers] I better have my lawyer take a look at these. I'm just a simple country boy. There's all kinds of big words in here I can't even pronounce. Hell, you might be takin' me to the cleaners for all I know. [Melanie: The cleaners—you?]"

"Honey, just 'cause I talk slow don't mean I'm stupid."