All Quotes

"When a cat greets you, he makes a big operation of it, bumping, stropping your legs, buzzing like mischief. But when he leaves, he just walks off and never looks back. Cats are smart."

"Man is not a rational animal; he is a rationalizing animal."

"One time in a hundred a gun might save your life; the other ninety-nine it will just tempt you into folly."

"“From the ignoramuses we get for recruits I’ve reached the conclusion that this new-fangled ‘functional education’ has abolished studying in favor of developing their cute little personalities.”"

""Good stories are rarely true."

"Shaving, the common cold, and taxes...my old man says those are the three eternal problems the race is never going to lick."

"When you haven’t data, guessing is illogical."

"Rod...were you born that stupid? Or did you have to study?"

"But don’t say you don’t need money; that’s immoral."

"I was confused. I didn’t feel telepathic; I merely felt hungry."

"“Pat, can’t you get it through your thick head to leave well enough alone?” “I don’t see what’s wrong with my logic.” “Since when was an emotional argument won by logic?”"

"When it comes down to it, the root cause of war is always population pressure no matter what other factors enter in."

"I don’t know; maybe Frank had good intentions, but I sometimes think “good intentions” should be declared a capital crime."

"Parents probably don’t know that they are playing favorites even when they are doing it."

"I decided not to cross any bridges I had burned behind me."

"Learning isn’t a means to an end; it is an end in itself."

"Attend me. How do you prove that there are eggs in a bird’s nest? Don’t strain your gray matter: go climb the tree and find out. There is no other way."

"You have to believe evidence when you have it in front of you, or else the universe is just too fantastic."

"“Harry, I need advice.” “You do? Well, I’ve got it in all sizes. All of it free and all of it worth what it costs, I’m afraid.”"

"Aside from a cold appreciation of my own genius I felt that I was a modest man."

"I have never been impressed by the formal schools of ethics. I had sampled them — public libraries are a ready source of recreation for an actor short of cash — but I had found them as poor in vitamins as a mother-in-law’s kiss. Given time and plenty of paper, a philosopher can prove anything. I had the same contempt for the moral instruction handed to most children. Much of it is prattle and the parts they really seem to mean are dedicated to the sacred proposition that a “good” child is one who does not disturb mother’s nap and a “good” man is one who achieves a muscular bank account without getting caught. No, thanks!"

"Take sides! Always take sides! You will sometimes be wrong — but the man who refuses to take sides must always be wrong."

"His bow to me must have been calculated on a slide rule; it suggested that I was about to be Supreme Minister but was not quite there yet, that I was his senior but nevertheless a civilian — then subtract five degrees for the fact that he wore the Emperor’s aiguillette on his right shoulder."

"Son, suppose you tend to your knitting and I tend to mine."

"People don’t really want change, any change at all — and xenophobia is very deep-rooted. But we progress, as we must — if we are to go out to the stars."

"There is solemn satisfaction in doing the best you can for eight billion people. Perhaps their lives have no cosmic significance, but they have feelings. They can hurt."

"Pacifism is a shifty doctrine under which a man accepts the benefits of the social group without being willing to pay - and claims a halo for his dishonesty"

"If you would know a man, observe how he treats a cat."

"Nobody ever wins a lawsuit but the lawyers."

"Cats have no sense of humor, they have terribly inflated egos, and they are very touchy."

"My old man claimed that the more complicated the law the more opportunity for scoundrels."

"Paymasters come in only two sizes: one sort shows you where the book says that you can’t have what you've got coming to you; the second sort digs through the book until he finds a paragraph that lets you have what you need even if you don’t rate it."

"An invention is something that was “impossible” up to then—that’s why governments grant patents."

"I counted to ten slowly, using binary notation."

"By the laws of statistics we could probably approximate just how unlikely it is that it would happen. But people forget—especially those who ought to know better, such as yourself—that while the laws of statistics tell you how unlikely a particular coincidence is, they state just as firmly that coincidences do happen."

"I had taken a partner once before—but, damnation, no matter how many times you get your fingers burned, you have to trust people. Otherwise you are a hermit in a cave, sleeping with one eye open."

"“Er, will your grandmother tell that fib for you?” “I guess so. Yes, I'm sure she will. She says people have to tell little white fibs or else people couldn’t stand each other. But she says fibs were meant to be used, not abused.” “She sounds like a sensible person.”"

"They made the predictable fuss about taking a cat into a room and an autobellhop is not responsive to bribes—hardly an improvement. But the assistant manager had more flexibility in his synapses; He listened to reason as long as it was crisp and rustled."

"The future is better than the past. Despite the crepehangers, romanticists, and anti-intellectuals, the world steadily grows better because the human mind, applying itself to environment, makes it better. With hands...with tools...with horse sense and science and engineering."

"If you lie to me, I’ll catch you…eventually. Lying to other people is your business, but I can tell you this: once a man gets a reputation as a liar, he might as well be struck dumb, for people do not listen to the wind."

"As Thorby learned to use his mind, he found that he liked to; he developed an insatiable appetite for the printed page."

"But mathematics Thorby saw no use in, other than the barbaric skill of counting money. But presently he learned that mathematics need not have use; it was a game, like chess but more fun."

"“Do you know what an anthropologist is?” “Uh, I am sorry, ma’am—Margaret.” “It’s simpler than it sounds. An anthropologist is a scientist who studies how people live together.” Thorby looked doubtful. “This is a science?” “Sometimes I wonder. Actually, Thorby, it is a complicated study, because the patterns that men work out to live together seem unlimited.”"

"With rank goeth privileges—so it ever shall be. But also with it go responsibility and obligation, always more onerous than the privileges are pleasant."

"“Customs tell a man who he is, where he belongs, what he must do. Better illogical customs than none; men cannot live together without them. From an anthropologist’s view, ’justice’ is a search for workable customs.”"

"A baby is lots more fun than differential equations."

"Pop, who maintained that a wise man could not be insulted, since truth could not insult and untruth was not worthy of notice."

"Most things are right or wrong only in their backgrounds; few things are good or evil in themselves. But things that are right or wrong according to their culture, really are so."

"He was caught in the old dilemma of the man with unintegrated values, who eats meat but would rather somebody else did the butchering."

"Since Thorby had no talent he became an actor."