All Quotes

"6. You realize that if 10 million people saw the movie once, each wasting 3 hours of their lives, that 30 million hours have been wasted, and that if each person lived an average of 70 years, 3,424 years, or 49 lives will have been wasted watching the Titanic. James Cameron has effectively murdered 49 people. (Not necessarily a reason to cry, but it is to a sap that saw Titanic in the first place)."

"(introduction) "this page is about my opinions. if you disagree, you have a right to your opinion and i can respect that.""

"u know what? i thought about it and ive decided that your right, i shouldnt make fun of people who get fast cars. please accept my apology.............. psych! yeah right homo."

"4 example the other day i saw a black person walking down the street and i was like "omg a negro" but instead of walking on the other side i said "what would rumsfeld do?" so i stayed on the sidewalk. when he came up to me i wanted to show him that i have no problems with people of color so i said "hey" and offered him my spare change before he could even ask."

""my friend and i were watching mtv the other day when nelly came on and my friend was like "omg nelly rules". hes such an idiot, he only listens to trendy music. at least i like original stuff like beyonce."

"i hope that earns me some eprops (proper recognition in an electronic form lol) LOL LOL LOL!!!"

"HEY FAGGOT, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY WE CARE ABOUT TERRI SCHIAVO AND NOT CANCER PATIENTS? BECAUSE FUCK YOU. SHOVE THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT. FUCK OFF!"

"I have commanded that my titulary] abide like the mountains; when the sun shines its rays are bright upon the titulary of my majesty; my Horus is high upon the standard … forever."

"Politics is a substitute for violence."

"This president is a miserable failure on foreign policy and on the economy and he's got to be replaced."

"George W. Bush - George Walker Bush, 43rd President of the United States (2001–2009)"

"What you need to know is that who I listen to when I need advice on the Middle East is George W. Bush."

":Quoted in: What Would Jeb Do?, The New Yorker, 2015-10-26"

"You know what? As it relates to my brother, there is one thing I know for sure: he kept us safe."

"How pathetic for @realdonaldtrump to criticize the president for 9/11. We were attacked & my brother kept us safe."

"[Trump]'s a chaos candidate, and he'd be a chaos president. He would not be the Commander-in-chief we need to keep our country safe."

"It turns out there are people, typically they're probably unemployed kids with student debt you know that are stuck in their parents' basement with Cheetos stains on their t-shirts that haven't been able to get their first job so what they do is they play games to see how long they can edit Wikipedia pages in order to have games with their friends all around the world. So my advice to you is, if you do have a Wikipedia page, check it once in a while...."

"Ideas matter, policy matters."

"I think the next president needs to be a lot quieter, but send a signal that we are prepared to act in the national security interest of this country to get back in the business of creating a more peaceful world. Please clap."

"Whatever his views are this morning, they might change this afternoon, and they were different than they were last night, and they’ll be different tomorrow. ... They seem to be ever, ever-changing, depending on what crowd he’s in front of. Sounds like a typical politician, by the way, where you get in front of one crowd and say one thing, and then say something else to another crowd that may want to hear a different view. All the things that Donald Trump railed against, he seems to be morphing into — it’s kind of disturbing. ... He doesn’t believe in things, this is all a game."

"Children shouldn’t be used as a negotiating tool. @realDonaldTrump should end this heartless policy and Congress should get an immigration deal done that provides for asylum reform, border security and a path to citizenship for Dreamers."

"Donald Trump Is Bad for Israel via @NYTimes. Hopefully our President will reverse his decision to abandon Syria."

"Trump: I got along with everybody. That was my job, to get along with people."

"Jeb Bush is a dead man."

"Jeb's my little brother, he's done what I've told him to all his life."

"I'm constitutionally incapable of making eye-contact with a woman I don't know."

"She was nice. Nice is good."

"Sand is overrated. It's just tiny little rocks."

"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?"

"Random thoughts for Valentine's Day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies. To make people feel like crap."

"This is working like gangbusters!"

"Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating."

"Are we like those bored couples you feel sorry for in restaurants? Are we the dining dead?"

"It's all being wiped away."

"I could die right now, I'm just … happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be."

"I loved you on this day. I love this memory."

"I ditched work today. Took a train out to Montauk. I don't know why, I'm not an impulsive person."

"Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant."

"I'm always anxious thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest, you know? Taking advantage of every possibility? Just making sure that I'm not wasting one second of the little time I have."

"… you stop listening to what is true, and what is true is constantly changing."

"I apply my personality in a paste."

"I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told."

"I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."

"You look familiar. Ever shop at Barnes & Noble?"

"I don't need nice. I don't need myself to be it, and I don't need anybody else to be it at me."

"People don’t understand how lonely it is to be a kid."

"[Quoting Alexander Pope] "How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned.""

"[Quoting Friedrich Nietzsche] "Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders.""

"Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias."

"Jim Carrey – Joel"