All Quotes

"Il y a peu de femmes dont le mérite dure plus que la beauté."

"Il n'y a que les personnes qui ont de la fermeté qui puissent avoir une véritable douceur."

"Ceux qui ont eu de grandes passions se trouvent toute leur vie heureux, et malheureux, d'en être guéris."

"Les querelles ne dureraient pas longtemps, si le tort n'était que d'un côté."

"Il ne sert à rien d'être jeune sans être belle, ni d'être belle sans être jeune."

"C’est une espèce de bonheur, de connaître jusqu’à quel point on doit être malheureux."

"Comment prétendons-nous qu'un autre puisse garder notre secret, si nous ne pouvons le garder nous-mêmes?"

"C'est une ennuyeuse maladie que de conserver sa santé par un trop grand régime."

"Il ne faut pas s’offenser que les autres nous cachent la vérité puisque nous nous la cachons si souvent à nous-mêmes."

"Ce qui nous fait croire si facilement que les autres ont des défauts, c'est la facilité que l'on a de croire ce qu'on souhaite."

"Il est quelquefois agréable à un mari d'avoir une femme jalouse; il entend toujours parler de ce qu'il aime."

"Il est plus difficile de dissimuler les sentiments que l'on a que de feindre ceux que l'on n'a pas."

"Les petits esprits sont blessés des plus petites choses"

"Ce qui fait que si peu de personnes sont agréables dans la conversation, c'est que chacun songe plus à ce qu'il veut dire qu'à ce que les autres disent."

"Il faut écouter ceux qui parlent, si on veut en être écouté."

"La pompe des enterrements regarde plus la vanité des vivants que l'honneur des morts."

"This is no time to be getting all steamed up about La Rochefoucauld. It's only a question of minutes before I'm going to be pretty darned good and sick of La Rochefoucauld, once and for all. La Rochefoucauld this and La Rochefoucauld that. Yes, well, let me tell you that if nobody had ever learned to quote, very few people would be in love with La Rochefoucauld. I bet you I don't know ten souls who read him without a middleman."

"As Rochefoucauld his maxims drew From Nature, I believe 'em true: They argue no corrupted mind In him; the fault is in mankind."

"Foretold by a mystical book. Forewarned by a wiseman. Fulfilled by a wiseguy."

"Sound the trumpets, raise the drawbridge, and drop the Oldsmobile."

"My name is Ash, and I am a slave. As close as I can figure, the year is 1300 AD, and I'm being dragged to my death. Wasn't always like this. I had a real life once, a job. [now Ash is in a flashback] Hardware, aisle twelve. Shop smart: shop S-Mart! [back to monologue] I had a wonderful girlfriend, Linda. [Flashback: Ash and Linda at the cabin] Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find: Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, The Book of the Dead. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Sumerian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods. [something crashes through the window of the cabin and Linda screams] It took Linda, and then it came for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. [Ash is seen cutting off his hand] But that didn't stop it. It came back... Big time. [Ash gets pulled into the vortex holding onto the doorway] For God's sake! How do you stop it?!"

"First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. [spits out grape seed] Blow."

"Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!"

"We keep on fighting, we keep on playing. We won tonight and we're going to try to keep on winning."

"I just love the feeling from the fans and when I'm walking on deck I can hear people screaming and wishing you the best. That puts you into the game more than anything."

"This is our fucking city! And nobody is gonna dictate our freedom. Stay Strong! (After the Boston Marathon Bombings)"

"Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now — to quote myself at my most pretentious — is a nimiety of scurrility with a concomitant exiguity of taste. For example, the freedom (hooray!) to say almost anything you want on television about society's problems has been co-opted (alas!) by the freedom to talk instead about flatulence, orgasms, genitalia, masturbation, etc., etc., and to replace real comment with pop-culture references and so-called "adult" language. Irreverence is easy — what's hard is wit."

"Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize."

"Andrew Wiles gently smiles, Does his thing, and voila! Q.E.D., we agree, And we all shout hurrah! As he confirms what Fermat Jotted down in that margin, Which could've used some enlargin'."

"No one is more dangerous than someone who thinks he has "The Truth". To be an atheist is almost as arrogant as to be a fundamentalist. But then again, I can get pretty arrogant."

"I find enough mystery in mathematics to satisfy my spiritual needs. I think, for example, that pi is mysterious enough (don't get me started!) without having to worry about God. Or if pi isn't enough, how about fractals? or quantum mechanics?"

"I would like to state at this time that I am not now and have never been... a member of the Boy Scouts of America. Their motto is, as you know, "Be Prepared!" and that is the name of this song."

"Don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice, Unless you get a good percentage of her price."

"If you're looking for adventure of a new and different kind, And you come across a Girl Scout who is similarly inclined, Don't be nervous, don't be flustered, don't be scared. Be prepared!"

"I always like to make explicit the fact that before I went off not too long ago to fight in the trenches, I was a mathematician by profession. I don't like people to get the idea that I have to do this for a living. I mean, it isn't as though I had to do this, you know, I could be making, oh, $3,000 a year just teaching."

"I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky. In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics: Plagiarize! Plagiarize, Let no one else's work evade your eyes, Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, So don't shade your eyes, But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize... Only be sure always to call it please "research"."

"In all probability I'll lose my virility And you your fertility And desirability, And this liability Of total sterility Will lead to hostility And a sense of futility, So let's act with agility While we still have facility, For we'll soon reach senility And lose the ability."

"I hold your hand in mine, dear, I press it to my lips. I take a healthy bite From your dainty fingertips. My joy would be complete, dear, If you were only here, But still I keep your hand As a precious souvenir."

"You know, of all the songs I have ever sung, that is the one I've had the most requests not to."

"I'd like to take you now, on wings of song as it were, and try and help you forget for a while your drab, wretched lives."

"All the world seems in tune On a spring afternoon, When we're poisoning pigeons in the park. Every Sunday you'll see My sweetheart and me, As we poison the pigeons in the park."

"You cannot profit from small techniques particularly when full armor is worn. My Way of strategy is the sure method to win when fighting for your life one man against five or ten."

"When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide, But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide. My pulse will be quickenin', With each drop of strych-a-nine, We feed to a pigeon it just takes a smidgen To poison a pigeon in the park."

"Oh, soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife. Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life. Oooh."

"A few years ago, a motion picture version appeared of Sophocles' immortal tragedy "Oedipus Rex". This picture played only in the so-called art theaters, and it was not a financial success. And I maintain that the reason it was not a financial success... you're way ahead of me... was that it did not have a title tune which the people could hum, and which would make them actually eager to attend this particular...flick. So, I've attempted to supply this, and here then is the prospective title song from "Oedipus Rex"."

"There once lived a man named Oedipus Rex, You may have heard about his odd complex. His name appears in Freud's index 'Cause he loved his mother."

"His rivals used to say quite a bit That as a monarch he was most unfit. But still in all they had to admit That he loved his mother."

"Yes, he loved his mother like no other, His daughter was his sister and his son was his brother. One thing on which you can depend is, He sure knew who a boy's best friend is."

"So be sweet and kind to mother Now and then, have a chat! Buy her candy or some flowers or a brand-new hat But maybe you best let it go at that! Or you may find yourself with a quite complex ...Com-plex! ...and... You may end up like Oedipus I'd rather marry a duck-billed platypus! Than end up like poor Oedipus Rex!"

"The usual jokes about the Army aside, one of the many fine things one has to admit is the way that the Army has carried the American democratic ideal to its logical conclusion, in the sense that not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability."