"You have no idea what a long-legged gal can do without doing anything."

"You're married to me; that's like saying, you're blind to me. For a long time, I've been a part of you, just somethin…"

"You're not being rude, dear, you're just being yourself."

"Chivalry is not only dead, it's decomposed."

"No, I'm not my grandfather, of course. He's dead, anyway."

"Staterooms are un-American."

"That's one of the tragedies of this life - that the men who are most in need of a beating up are always enormous."

"Tipping is un-American."

"You know Maude, somebody meeting you for the first time, not knowing you were cracked, might get the wrong impression…"

"Well, you know we don't love each other anymore. We're just habits, bad habits...And when love's gone, there's nothin…"