"Okay, smartass - if this is Football, where is all the ice?"

"The Tube is Civilization!"

"My humiliating victory over you is just water under the shattered bridge of your crushing defeat."

"Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation will feature proprietary Fractal Boob Juggling technology, allowing for real-time me…"

"I wouldn't call this a computer. Nope, this is more of a "Rabid Wolverine.""

"Gabe, sometimes in order to hurt someone very badly, you have to tell that person terrible lies."

"Some people play tennis, I erode the human soul."

"I'll stab you in the mouth. That's a new one, huh? You ever been stabbed in there?"

"Let's go pound some nails through our dicks."

"I don't know why they call them "Chip Clips." I mean, everyone just puts 'em on their wang. Why don't they just call …"