"The Tube is Civilization!"

"My humiliating victory over you is just water under the shattered bridge of your crushing defeat."

"Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation will feature proprietary Fractal Boob Juggling technology, allowing for real-time me…"

"I wouldn't call this a computer. Nope, this is more of a "Rabid Wolverine.""

"Gabe, sometimes in order to hurt someone very badly, you have to tell that person terrible lies."

"Some people play tennis, I erode the human soul."

"I'll stab you in the mouth. That's a new one, huh? You ever been stabbed in there?"

"Let's go pound some nails through our dicks."

"Check his flower pot. Check his flower pot for gay porn. We desperately need those new dresses."

"I don't know why they call them "Chip Clips." I mean, everyone just puts 'em on their wang. Why don't they just call …"