"(After lying about being in hospital to avoid paying her phone bill) Well, what was I supposed to do? Have them unhoo…"

"Michael was not a guy, other guys would've made fun of in a locker room, OK!"

"This guy in the morgue.....whoever he is.....he's got a.....does the phrase needle dick, the bug fucker mean anything…"

"She's gotta get on this plane! There's a kidney in Kansas City that's not getting any fresher!"

"(Screaming at a payphone that swallowed her change)"GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKIN' QUARTER!""

"(While trying to ignore a bunch of wolf-whistling Mexican men): Now why do they do that? Has there ever been one woma…"

"(Lauren makes a leap with a grand jété from the last one of the Four Fingers clifftops with Michael following, only t…"

"(After tying up famed theater teacher/Russian spy Stanislaw Korzenowski): How dare you defraud the legitimate theatre…"

"Sandy: Oh my, that kind of evening? Lauren: Well, not the kind you're used to. No money changed hands!"

"You know what I'll bet? I'll bet you haven't been laid in about a year!"