"Why do Republicans hate gay marriage so much? They certainly don't hate gay prostitutes."

"The people I choose to admire are not necessarily popular, not necessarily terribly well known, but they each have so…"

"Whenever anyone has called me a bitch, I have taken it as a compliment. To me, a bitch is assertive, unapologetic, de…"

"I wanna fuck her, but I don't want to vote for her."

"Something traumatic happened to me when I was younger. I was with this old black woman, and she was very wise, very A…"

"I was working on this movie and the makeup artist was just so ugly! I just wanted to say "Physician, heal thyself!" S…"

"Then there was this extra on the set who runs up to me and says, "Oh, I know you! I know who you is, I seen you befor…"

"So I was drinking tequila, and I was drinking grappa, which is Italian for gasoline, and I was drinking Jägermeister,…"

"And I got so drunk, I got so drunk that I actually woke up thinking, "Should I get up and pee, or just pee in the bed…"

"If I'm talking to a guy who's straight and cute and single, I'm like, "Are you a unicorn?""