"Why do Republicans hate gay marriage so much? They certainly don't hate gay prostitutes."

"The people I choose to admire are not necessarily popular, not necessarily terribly well known, but they each have so…"

"Whenever anyone has called me a bitch, I have taken it as a compliment. To me, a bitch is assertive, unapologetic, de…"

"I wanna fuck her, but I don't want to vote for her."

"Something traumatic happened to me when I was younger. I was with this old black woman, and she was very wise, very A…"

"I was working on this movie and the makeup artist was just so ugly! I just wanted to say "Physician, heal thyself!" S…"

"Then there was this extra on the set who runs up to me and says, "Oh, I know you! I know who you is, I seen you befor…"

"And I got so drunk, I got so drunk that I actually woke up thinking, "Should I get up and pee, or just pee in the bed…"

"This old fellow came up to me and asked, "Excuse me, are you Japanese?" No, I'm Korean. "Oh, really, that's very inte…"

"If I'm talking to a guy who's straight and cute and single, I'm like, "Are you a unicorn?""