"My father used to say: "The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone c…"

"[To the Rabbi and the Boss] The two of you killed everything I ever loved. (Pause) Fuck you both."

"You can only kill me once."

"Since we're not friends and you hate baseball, then why the fuck are you here?"

"Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest in Monte Carlo and came in third. Now that's a story. Th…"

"I'm gonna say what any man with two penises would say, when his tailor asks him if he dresses right or left... Yes."

"I bet it was that mouth that got you that nose."

"If there's one thing I know, is when someone is lying. A man in my position, that's all he has to go on. To know a li…"

"The unlucky are nothing more than a frame of reference for the lucky, Mister Fisher. You are unlucky, so I may know t…"

"Sorry about that, son. But sometimes there's more to life than just livin'. Besides, you can't have a Kansas City Shu…"