"You need more than a boob job, Loretta. You need a personality transplant."

"There was an old man of Madras whose balls were made of fine brass. So in stormy weather they both clang together and…"

"For pulling this trick, I'll chop off your dick!"

"I want my gold shilling. Tell me where it is or there will be another killing."

"Now that was quite a load to have to explode. What a lovely lass, I had to blow up your ass but now I must hit the road!"

"[Appears on the TV as a injuries compensation lawyer doing an infommercial] Feeling sick? Stubbed your toe? Call this…"

"[Appears on the TV as a psychic doing a commercial] The signs point to a tragedy about to happen: casino owner dies i…"

"[To an East Indian pawn shop owner after being revived granitized] Mmm, I like Indian food. So spicy!"

"[Leprechaun appears on the TV as a preacher doing a commercial]"

"['As he's being sawn in half] Caesar's... Palace..."