"My idea as far as comedy goes has always been to push the limits of what's acceptable for a woman to do or say or be.…"

"Never point at anything beige and call it cool."

"Learn all the rules... then break them."

"He looked me right in the face and said, "You fucking bulldyke!" And I thought to myself, "Oooh, what a smart man! Wh…"

"Did you read [Holly Near's book]? Let me save you the trouble. This is the most exciting sentence in the book: ..."I …"

"What do you mean, you "don't believe in homosexuality?" It's not like the Easter Bunny, your belief isn't necessary."

"They are preserving the sanctity of marriage, so that two gay men who've been together for twenty-five years can't ge…"

"I'm at West Virginia University to do a show, right, and they've done all this fucking publicity about it...so when I…"

"[An anti-abortion conference goer] says, "Well, don't you believe that life begins at inception?" I say, "No. I belie…"

"You know the people I'm talking about, you see them at every pride rally, they get up on stage and go, "We're just li…"