"Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can't see either."

"Nobuddy ever listened t' reason on a empty stomach."

"Flattery won’t hurt you if you don’t swallow it."

"It's purty hard t' be efficient without bein' obnoxious."

"Ther's still a few honest folks left but they never seem t' find anything you lose."

"If at first you do succeed don't take any more chances."

"Now an' then an innocent man is sent t' th' legislature."

"Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty, while bein' above suspicion is about th' only compensat…"

"Don't knock th' weather. Nine-tenths o' th' people couldn' start a conversation if it didn' change once in a while."

"Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count."