"Jack, stop telling people you're Ozzy Osbourne's son to get into places, you're a fucking loser!"

"You haven't done anything, its your fucking daughter. I just got a call --when I'm in Tiffany-- from some woman telli…"

"You don't go to someone's father, "I don't like the redness in your hair". It's fucking rude. I would never go to her…"

"You're not driving my car anymore Mum, I'm sorry."

"Mom, I have something to tell you. My thong, is so far up my crack right now."

"My teeth, my car, my vagina, my business."

"I don't really care what people think about my hair. It's my hair, so why should they care? Ooh, that rhymed."

"She's pissing in the bottle....just like she shit in Dad's bag of weed in Hawaii."

"Jack, you have like serious anger management issues."

"If you kick every Latino out of this country, then who is going to be cleaning your toilet, Donald Trump?"