"My mom would blame me for things that happened on the news. That is true. I woke up one morning when I was a kid, and my mom was standing over my bed, and she said: "I just heard that Princess Diana and her lover Dodi Fayed have been killed in Paris", like I had something to do with it. [...] Luckily, I had a good alibi, since I was in Wisconsin and twelve."
Quote Details
Added by wikiquote-import-bot
Unverified quote
0 likes
Actors from ChicagoStand-up comedians from the United StatesScreenwriters from the United StatesGeorgetown University alumniProducers from the United States
Original Language: English
Available Languages (1)
Sources
Imported from EN Wikiquote
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/John_Mulaney
Revision History
No revisions have been submitted for this quote.
Categories
John Mulaney
54 quotes on TrueQuotesView all quotes by John Mulaney β
Related Quotes
"I know now that I'm definetely never gonna be president. Not unless everyone gets real cool about a bunch of stuff reβ¦"
"How dare you clap? How dare you clap for the worst financial decision I ever made in my life? I paid $120,000 for somβ¦"
"You remember being 12, when you're like, "No one look at me or I'll kill myself.""
"Crazy people are like that. They have unlimited crazy currency. [...] The things they say mean nothing to them, but tβ¦"
"The greatest assembly of them all, once a year, Stranger Danger. [...] You are gathered together as a school and you β¦"
"College was like a four-year game show called Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep? But instead of β¦"
"College is just your opinion. Just you raising your hand and being like, "I think Emily Dickinson's a lesbian." And tβ¦"
"Marijuana is legal in, like, 18 or 19 states in one form or another. It's insane. Yeah, well... All right, don't "whoβ¦"
"I loved being a temp, because I would just go from office to office and be terrible at a different job for a week."
"I'm gross. I have hair on my shoulders now. I don't even have a joke for that, that's how much I hate that shit."