"The greatest assembly of them all, once a year, Stranger Danger. [...] You are gathered together as a school and you …"

"I'm gross. I have hair on my shoulders now. I don't even have a joke for that, that's how much I hate that shit."

"I loved being a temp, because I would just go from office to office and be terrible at a different job for a week."

"I know now that I'm definetely never gonna be president. Not unless everyone gets real cool about a bunch of stuff re…"

"College was like a four-year game show called Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep? But instead of …"

"How dare you clap? How dare you clap for the worst financial decision I ever made in my life? I paid $120,000 for som…"

"College is just your opinion. Just you raising your hand and being like, "I think Emily Dickinson's a lesbian." And t…"

"Marijuana is legal in, like, 18 or 19 states in one form or another. It's insane. Yeah, well... All right, don't "who…"

"Crazy people are like that. They have unlimited crazy currency. [...] The things they say mean nothing to them, but t…"

"I don't know what my body is for other than just taking my head from room to room."