"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Mother mother fuck, Mother mother fuck fuck, Mother fuck mother fuck, Noise, noise, noise. 1,…"

"15 bucks, little man, Put that shit in my hand If that money doesn't show Then you owe me, owe me, owe"

"Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for…"

"What the fuck is The Internet?"

"What? I have a wiping problem. I stick those little pieces of paper up my brown eye, and BAM! No shit stains on my un…"

"Diedrich Bader as Miramax Security Guard Gordon"

"Any movie based on Jay and Silent Bob are gonna lick balls because they both in fact lick balls. Motherfucker. It's t…"

"(On videotape) I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this…"

"(After being told he is wearing pansy red booties) Holy fuck I am wearing pansy red booties! Why the fuck didn't you …"

"Holy fuck, is that monkey waving at us? Holy shit, it understood us! Maybe it's some kind of supermonkey. What if the…"