"The Mississippi River broke through a protective dike today. What is a protective dike? Is that a large woman standin…"

"[as Walter Cronkite] I just want to begin by saying to Roosevelt E. Roosevelt, what it is, what it was, what it shall…"

"[to Trinh] You know, you're very beautiful. You're also very quiet. And I'm not used to girls being that quiet unless…"

"Sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun."

"Hey, we're back. That last few seconds of silence was Marcel Marceau's newest hit single, "Walkin' In The Wind." And …"

"Here's a news flash: Today President Lyndon Johnson passed a highway beautification bill. The bill basically said tha…"

"You're a very attractive man, Abersold. Don't think I haven't noticed."

"I'm saying I'm through, Ed. I'm tired of people tellin' me what I can't say. "This news isn't official." "That commen…"

"[As camp fashion consultant] Thank you. I think this fall, the discerning GI is gonna be wearing green in the jungle.…"

"Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP, shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT? 'Cause if it leaks to the VC …"