"I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the news."

"Will it taste like cheese!?"

"The poor can’t hold their liquor."

"Prince Albert can't keep it in his pants."

"Daylight trick-or-treating is stupid."

"I got a good job in a punchbowl."

"I want to put everything in my mouth."

"I tripped and fell and posed naked for a magazine."

"Next thing you know you’re out on your ass-hat."

"I didn't ruin the show!"