"Now, if you know for a fact that you are going to go to jail, okay? You're already like, "I'm gone," have a little fun. I don't mean taking off in a high-speed pursuit. No, no, no, don't do that, 'cause you're not going to get very far. I mean, if you're drunk, and you know you're going to go to jail, you know, and you have tinted windows, have a little extra fun. Take off your seatbelt, jump over to the passenger side, throw your seatbelt back on, and just wait for the cop. [Acts like he's just sitting and waiting, giggle] You have no idea how far you're going to throw his ass off, you guys. He's going to come over to the driver's side with a flashlight, and... [Acts like a police officer, using his microphone like a flashlight. Acts like he's confused, looking, then bending over, shining his "flashlight" inside.] You're sitting there...[Looks over, smiling; slurring] "He was here a second ago. [audience laughs] I don't know where he went. 'Xcuse me, what? Me drive? Oh, hell no, I'm fucked up!""
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Gabriel Iglesias
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